A Journey Through Cancer and Back: Part Three

Well here we are at part three and the last of my story, I hope. I don't want to drag it on for too many days...

My surgery was scheduled for early September. I was looking forward to getting it over with and a bit scared at the same time. In the back of my mind I wondered what would happen if I woke up halfway through the procedure and felt everything they were doing but was paralyzed and couldn't tell them! I spoke with the anesthesiologist about all that, and she assured me that your body wakes before your brain and there are definite signs that you are beginning to wake up. Your extremities start moving around and then they give you more drugs. I felt better after that talk. I have had surgery before, but never such a long one.
Paul was worried and wonderful at the same time. He couldn't do enough for me, but was also making sure I would go through with it. I had some ups and downs and ins and outs as I contemplated losing a breast; was I going too extreme, should I just wait until they decide in a few years that you don't need to have a mastectomy for dcis because it rarely leaves the breast; so many thoughts and a husband determined to keep me on track. He was scared to death of losing me. I was irritated at having to go through all of it. My daughters were wonderful and encouraging and full of questions but also considerate of whether or not I felt like talking; I almost always feel like talking.
So much needed to be arranged; who would take care of Adam, who would watch Gavin as I went through months of recovery and not being allowed to lift anything. Gavin is one of my grandchildren; I have been blessed to care for all of the grandkids while their moms work. I didn't need to worry; Jodi took family medical leave and Paul arranged to use vacation time and sick time for two months until I could get back to normal living.
My surgery day came and everything went pretty much as I had been told. I went to sleep and woke up as if it had only been a few minutes, but it had been eleven and a half hours. Paul was right there as I woke in a swirling mass of pain. He called the nurse over and she asked me a few questions and then gave me more morphine. I went to sleep. I barely remember being transported to my room or anything really for the next 24 hours. I do remember Paul wanting me to eat and drink..he was so sure I needed food. Dr.Palmeijer came in and assured me that my appetite would return as my body shook off the effects of so much anesthesia. "Don't worry about eating, you will when you can digest it." Paul stopped worrying, and I began to realize why Adam will never eat after he has surgery. His body takes much longer than mine did to recover.Also, I could hardly believe what I  looked like! I was swollen beyond belief. I looked like I had been stung by a thousand bees. My hands could hardly bend to grasp anything. YUUUCCCHH!! Ug--ly!
The following day I was allowed to leave ICU and go to the regular floor. I had been able to get out of bed and I had been walking well around the unit. After we settled in, Paul washed my hair for me and helped me sponge bathe...I told you before that he is the best nurse ever. My sisters came to visit, friends dropped by, my pastor came in, and I couldn't wait to get out of there. I stayed for five days. I forgot to mention that my plastic surgeon is a young man and very good looking. It is strange when you get to the place where your doctors are so much younger than you. He is married, but that doesn't stop the young women from drooling over him. My sisters were about as shocked as I was over his age.(considering that plastic surgery is a specialty and adds a few more years onto medical school. and that he is an assistant professor at the university) But all the nurses told us what a genius he is, and they are right; my breast is rather beautiful, even if I do say so myself. But you'll have to take my word for it.:0}
I went home and had a visiting nurse for a few days. I had four drains hanging out of my body. This presented a problem going home, as I knew that Adam would be very upset at seeing them...he understands operations all too well. I designed a small apron to hold them and my sister made it for me. What a blessing! It supported them and kept Adam and everyone else from seeing them and what was inside them. It was 2 weeks before the last one was out. Paul did my dressing changes and helped me in and out of the shower;  he scrubbed my back and washed my feet. Then helped me dress. He cooked and cleaned and bathed Adam and got him off to school every morning and off the bus every afternoon. What a culture shock for him! He is the chief custodian of our high school, and in charge of a 500,000 square foot building full of 200 teachers and 3,000 students.  He runs a crew of 20 over three shifts. He thinks his job is easier than mine :0}
My church friends came and visited and brought us meals and desserts. I appreciated the company more than anything else.
I went to see Dr. Palmeijer after a week. The results were in from the breast biopsies. There was another area of cancer  that did not show up on the mammogram.  I was glad I had the mastectomy and knew I had made the right decision. I would have been back in the O.R. in another year or two.
I have had more surgery since then to repair my abdomen. The muscle seperated and I now have mesh in there. I would not recommend the TRAM flap surgery that I had; it messes with your core and if your muscles do not hold up you end up with mesh to hold your guts in place. I did not think that through, but I will say that in over 1,000 patients with this plastic surgeon, there are only two of us that have had this problem. There is another procedure called the DIEP flap, and that uses skin and fat only. I have a cousin by marriage who has had that done, and 5 years later she is very happy with her results.
The end of the story is that I am cancer free. I am healthy and happy. I would not want to go through this again, but if that day comes I will. Through it all, Jesus has been my strength and the One Who loves me best. Paul loves me best too. I have learned that I can survive anything, that I have stories worth telling, that no matter how dark it gets it will get brighter again, and that I am loved.
When I thought about cancer in the beginning, I thought of it as the great divider. Most people can't relate to you when you have cancer; it makes things awkward and they don't know what to say. So they avoid you.
I learned that cancer is also the great joiner. It joins your family closer together, it causes you to look at your life and what is important, it helps you begin to say "I love you" more than ever because you realize you might not be there one day to say it. Cancer comes to destroy, but it actually builds. HA! I LOVE THAT! Cancer accomplishes the exact opposite of what it was sent for. I have a freedom now that I never had before. Life is too precious to let anything destroy what you are trying to build. I am trying new things and taking risks I never took before. I am not worried about being perfect..I can make mistakes as I learn and it is not a tragedy. I can value my past even as I learn to not live in it or by it. Life is good and I intend to enjoy the rest of mine. By the way, I plan to live to be at least 100, so if you are following  my blog you may be following  it for a very long time. In case you didn't realize, blogging is one of my new things.
So God stopped by in this journey. Actually, He never left. I hope you will stop by often. I like sharing my life with you. The kettle is on for tea anytime, and if you happen to like coffee, I will be happy to brew some up for you. If you are really lucky, it may be on a baking day.

A Journey Through Cancer and Back

I haven't done a post yet about cancer, and since October is breast cancer awareness month, I think it's a good time to write one. My fight began in 2001, when I had a suspicious mammogram finding of microcalcifications. These are often present when there is cancer in the breast. They are not the same thing as calcium deposits, which are just that; lumps of calcium in the tissue. I needed to have a sterotactic biopsy done. In case you don't know, a stereotactic biopsy is step two for determining the presence of cancer in the breast. I started to describe this procedure for you, but decided it is probably better to spare you the gory details. The radiologist takes several tissue samples from the area where cancer is suspected and examines them under a microscope. She also implants a small clip so that when you have another mammo done, the area is immediatly noticed and easy to locate. This shows up on x-ray also, and makes it the most definite way to excise the right area if you need further biopsies. Depending on what they find, the next step is a surgical biopsy. I needed the next step. They suspected ADH----Atypical Ductal Hyperplasia, a pre-cancerous lesion.I had an excisional biopsy. The surgeon removes a small portion of tissue in the area where the stereotactic was performed. and sends the sample to the lab for determination of disease. This was supposed to be a teaspoon of tissue and turned into a partial mastectomy, as my surgeon thought it best to try to remove every bit of the area that had micro-calcifications. I wasn't too happy when I woke up and she told me the news; we had not even discussed the possibility of that prior to my surgery. I went home with instructions to take it easy and not lift anything for a few days, don't take motrin or aspirin, ice for pain and swelling,etc. Everything would be fine.She neglected to tell me to wear a tight sports bra for support. Everything seemed fine until the next morning when I woke up and rolled over in bed. I felt something let go inside my breast. Over the course of the next hour or so, my breast began to swell. And swell. I called the doctor and went in right away. When my husband and I arrived, we were told that my surgeon wasn't there, she was on vacation. She hadn't told me. I saw an associate who was very nice, examined me without touching me, and told me I probably had a small bleeder and should be fine; it would stop on its own. Come back in two hours if it continued to swell. I went home and waited, and went back in two hours; still growing. I was told again that the bleeding should stop on its own, come back in 2 hours. By this time my breast was enormous and the covering doctor had changed. He sent me to the hospital right away. I had to wait for the surgical repair as I had eaten ONE cookie in the afternoon; I should have listened to that inner voice and not eaten anything, in spite of what the first doctor had said. It's too risky to have surgery for at least six hours after eating solid food. As I waited in the hospital for my time to pass, two of our closest friends came to keep Paul and me company. They could not believe how large I had gotten. I like to joke about it now and say that I normally have oranges, but now I had an orange and half a watermelon. No exaggeration. Sometime after midnight, I had my second surgery. So much for a simple procedure and quick recovery.When she first saw me, one of the covering nurses made a remark about how it's sort of like when you are engorged from breastfeeding when your milk first comes in. I answered her that was true, but when you are breast feeding you haven't had a third of your breast removed the same day. She didn't have much to say after that. I know she meant well and to lighten my mood, but I was tired after so many hours of pain and no food or water. Dr. Simon was wonderful and kind when he finally came from the O.R. he had been in for the last few hours. He told me I had had enough of pain and would put me to sleep right away. No twilight sleep this time, full anesthesia. When I woke up he said that he couldn't find the bleeder as it had finally stopped, but he evacuated the hematoma and cleaned up the area and I should be feeling much better soon. I was taped up very tightly and told NOT to wear any bra and to see him in two days unless there was any problem. I went home the next day. My husband was kind and thoughtful and wonderful during all of this. He took excellent care of me through it all. You might wonder why I don't mention him very often when I write; it's because he told me he doesn't want me writing about him in my blog. So I keep it to a minimum out of respect for him. But he's the best nurse ever and I love him. :0)

When the biopsy results came back, it was what they expected; ADH; pre-cancerous. Come back for mammos every six months for the next two years, and yearly after that if all stayed clear. I hate that all of this happened, but I would still do exactly the same thing; go for my mammo, and then sonogram for cysts. I would still have the stereotactic biopsy, (and have had another one since then) and I would still go for the excisional biopsy(I have done this again too). The next time around I asked the new surgeon and the oncologist about my bleeding problem. They asked many questions and were surprised that no one had ever followed this for me before.(I will spare you the complete details of my history, but it began when I was 3 1/2 years old, had my tonsils out, hemorraghed, nearly died and had a transfusion of a full pint of blood. Adults have 8 pints, but little kids have maybe 4. rather significant) I always tell this history that doctors should have picked up on. Remember that you are your own best advocate and if you think there might be something they are missing, press them for answers. I have a platelet disorder called Von Willebrand's trait. Now I get medication prior to any surgery and have no problems.

I am an advocate for mammos every year. Early detection will save your life. Don't make excuses that you are too busy, mammos hurt, there's no history in your family, or anything else. Begin at forty if you live on Long Island; the breast cancer rate here is one in four. It is one in nine for the rest of the country. We still don't know why that is, but it is reason enough to get your baseline mammo early and every three years after that until you are fifty, when it should be yearly. I will tell the rest of my story in a day or two. Check back if you are interested.