Experiencing Bethel

"Go where you're celebrated, not where you're just tolerated." Bill Johnson. Bethel church truly gets this and puts it into practice. I'm spending some time re-evaluating my life and experiences in light of this truth. Adam and I have never been so loved and accepted by strangers before our trip to Redding California last week. There is truly an atmosphere of heaven released in that place. You can go there and know you're safe. And that makes it ok to be yourself and to change and grow.

I think we often spend too much time with others who merely tolerate us, and we try to get accepted by them, and that rarely happens. In order for them to accept us, we have to become like they are, and that's not good for anyone. I need to be myself, good and bad, and still be loved. When I am, I'll be safe to learn and grow and change and become all that God wants me to be. Continual disapproval does not bring positive change and growth; on the contrary, it slows growth and will kill you as you keep trying to become other than what you were created to be. In the light of God's love comes the realization of who you are. Another person's light can overshine you, but it will never penetrate your inner being and let you arise and shine. Only God's light can do that.

I recently went to a conference, and when I had signed in I went to get on line and wait for the doors to open. I saw a woman who I have met before and have had conversations with and who I was chatting with regularly on Facebook. She was at the front of the line. I started to go over to say hello to her, and she turned away from me saying "No, no, I don't..." and whatever she mumbled as she completely rejected my presence. This person is recognized as having an intercessory prayer ministry and has over 5,000 friends on Facebook. She actually covered her face with her hands as I tried to identify myself to her. I looked at the person who was with her, and he was totally embarrassed by her behavior. I smiled, shrugged, and walked away. Her behavior surprised me, but it didn't hurt. Jesus is my shield. And I don't need her acceptance.
Most of us don't do that to others so dramatically, but I bet we do it on the inside sometimes. I know I've done it. There are some times that I just don't want to deal with another person and I hide inside myself to avoid getting stuck. I'm embarrassed to admit that, but confession is good for the soul.
I share all this because in the light of the truth I've stated at the beginning of this post, such behavior so completely dims the light of Jesus in us. In some circles, well-known people are surrounded by body guards and protected from ever connecting with the people they're preaching to and trying to reach. In a completely different circle is Bill Johnson. When we visited Bethel Church, he preached on the Sunday we were there. At the end of the service he called for the ministry teams to come forward quickly so that he could go to the back. I thought he meant leaving for the day, but after I took Adam up for prayer, there he was at the back of the church, still shaking hands and greeting people just like every other pastor at every other church on the planet. Adam and I got on line and when we got up to him, he shook hands with Adam and listened attentively to him as he excitedly proclaimed, "I got healed today! I got healed today!" Bill looked at me for clarity and I told him Adam had never said that before, he usually says something like "I got prayer today." I briefly explained that he was indicating the presence of the Lord in his back and spine. Bill looked at Adam again and told him he would be getting more healing. He told Adam how happy he was to have met him, and shook his hand for a second time. Then he hugged him and blessed him. He hugged me too. He truly practices what he preaches.
So many things happened there at Bethel, and I'll share a bit from time to time. I'm grateful to the Lord for all we experienced. I'm changed by what I experienced there. Deep wounds of rejection from things long past are healed in the Presence of the One who loves me best. I'll keep you posted regarding the progression of Adam's healing. Much love to all my readers today. May God stop by your house today with His perfect love and acceptance.

Fasting Sleep

Usually when I fast, it's intentional. I set aside a period of time and deny myself the pleasure of eating, with the intent of drawing closer to God as I depend on Him in order to keep the fast. It might be a meal, or two, or three. It might be a day or two or three. Occasionally, it's been for longer periods of time. I don't enjoy fasting. It's a spiritual discipline that I would rather live without. And most of the time. I do.  I feel a fast coming soon, and I am not looking forward to it. However, I do really like the results.
Last Saturday night, I fasted sleep. It wasn't intentional. And it wasn't pleasant. I have fasted sleep before, and usually for about three hours, but this time it wasn't my idea. I had fallen asleep reading and woke up and went to bed. And I was wide awake. I wanted to get up again and go read or watch t.v., but I knew if I did Paul would get up and check on me every hour or so, and his sleep would be ruined. That didn't seem fair, so I got my nook reader and brought it into bed so I would be able to read. It's one of those new tablets that holds a whole library of books in seven inches of space. And it's as thin as a magazine. It's lighted, so you don't disturb anyone else by having a reading lamp on when you can't sleep.
I recently downloaded two versions of the bible onto the nook, so I spent some time reading verses that have particular significance to me right now. Some of them are for my church, and I read and prayed them for a while. I also prayed for just about everyone I could think of and every situation that came to mind. I was tired and yet I still could not sleep. I prayed for the service I would be attending later that morning, and I finally began to feel drowsy.. It was about six a.m. before I drifted off.
I dragged myself out of bed at about 8:15; and I really didn't want to get up. But I really did want to go to church. Adam was up shortly thereafter and he was bright and cheery and full of energy. We managed to get to church just on time. And I remembered to get my flags out of the car. Adam had a vision the week before during worship, and told me he saw the church, the whole church; everyone was waving flags. And he waved his arms very dramatically to be sure I understood what he meant.( I'm not sure exactly what his vision meant; I wonder if it was the flags of their nations, or everyone's worship, or something else entirely). But I figured it was time to bring the flags in; I hadn't used them in the new church yet.
There weren't very many people there. It's President's week and people are away on vacation. I got Adam settled and got ready to worship. Some of my new favorite songs were played, and I felt such a rich presence of the Lord as I entered into the Spirit and His love. The music flowed and I used my flags and so did my daughter and one of our friends. I danced with my little grand daughter and I danced with the Lord. It was so good to be free. I've been waiting for that for the last several weeks.  It was wonderful. And the church was fairly full by the end of the music.
Fasting, whether food or sleep,whether I enjoy it or not, does have its own sweet fruits. It always prepares my heart for whatever the Lord wants to do. I'm glad He kept me up when He stopped by on Saturday night. I'm sure He'll do it again.

Becoming One with Mosaic Church

Today we had friend day. I find that interesting as we're just getting to be friends and yet we were asked to invite friends for a visit and lunch. Everyone brought food to share and a friend or two if they could. It made for a very crowded Sunday morning. It was fun and I think most people enjoyed themselves.
I invited my daughter to come with her children and she did. She hasn't been attending anywhere with any regularity, and her son wants to go to church. It's funny how the scripture, "a little child shall lead them" seems to hold true so often. The kids had fun and I think my daughter enjoyed connecting with people she hasn't seen in a long time. I hope they come again.
As I'm typing. I am favoring my left index finger. I cut it the other day while I was quilting for Adam. Every time I make a baby quilt, he asks me to make one for him. I finally had found enough different yellow and blue patterns that I like and put one together for him. He's quite happy with the finished product.
Anyway, as I'm typing, my finger is hurting and I'm trying to type without using it. I managed, for the first time ever, to run it under the needle on the sewing machine as I was pushing the heavy layers of quilt through the machine. The needle just caught the tip of my finger and sliced through, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. But it still gets in the way of so many things. I had to stop sewing so I wouldn't bleed on the fabric and ruin Adam's gift. I bandaged it up, which made sewing a bit more difficult. I kept it covered for showering and washing dishes. Now the cut is closed but still sensitive, and I am favoring it. And I am making lots of mistakes while I'm typing.
I'm thinking about how this is so like my recent dealings with the merge of my church with the Mosaic church. It's a good thing, but some things still hurt and I am favoring my emotions. I'm being cautious because I don't want to be hurt in this process, and yet that has happened already. People say things that are meant to make me feel welcome, but they have done the opposite. I'm being protective of my heart and trying very hard not to get defensive. So far I've been successful. I haven't returned to old habits and gotten judgmental. I've been able to just let things go and move forward. Inviting my daughter and her children to come for a visit proves to me that I'm willing to do just that and continue to hope for the best. I'm being aware of not being so protective that I don't let new people get close enough to get to know me. I've met some really nice, caring, men and women, and there are even teens who are comfortable enough with themselves to try to get to know Adam. I appreciate that so much. A few of the men have gone out of their way to spend time with him and to actually listen to my advice about how best to relate to him. That's refreshing!
All in all, most of the experiences in the new chuch have been good.  I'm hoping that soon I'll be able to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Relationship: How's That Again?

Relationship. That's a loaded word. Every person who reads it has a different reaction to it. Depending on how you were raised, how you've been treated by friends, churches, pastors, teachers, bosses; the list is endless and so are the different feelings conjured up by the thought of relationship. For some, it brings warm and wonderful feelings of being nurtured and surrounded by loving people. For others on the opposite side of the room, it brings feelings of fear, judgment and insecurity. And there are lots of feelings and positions in between these two extremes. It all depends on your point of view if relationship is worth the effort.

I was talking with a friend this morning about the many changes in our lives and how they've affected us. For me, I feel that most things in my life, including relationship changes, have gotten better over the years. I've gone from being untrusting and judgmental to more accepting and loving. I can actually believe that people love me, which is a great change for me. As I have learned not to judge, I have learned that I am not being judged so much. "What goes around comes around", people like to say. Jesus said it first..."As a man sows, so shall he also reap." I got tired of reaping a crop of nasty weeds, so I repented and decided to try and try again until I could produce a crop of beautiful grain. I'm not the greatest farmer, but I'm getting better all the time. I see some full heads of grain on some of the stalks...

Something hit me as I was talking with my friend this morning. I was talking about Adam, and how he loves people and remembers them even though he often can't remember their name. A few months ago, someone visited our church who I hadn't seen in a while. Our relationship had been broken, more than once, and it was hard getting back to where I felt loved, loving and forgiven. When we came together to greet each other, Adam smiled and grabbed hold of her and wouldn't let her go. He was laughing and making all kinds of excited noises, and pulled me into a three-way hug. He would not let either one of us go. Before too long, she was weeping and I was too. "Adam, you're wrecking me!" she cried out. He just held on for dear life and loved on us with all his might. The presence of the Lord was so strong between us all, and so much healing took place in a few short minutes. Restoration isn't really all that hard..it just takes a risk of love. Lucky for us, Adam didn't weigh the risk.
A few weeks ago, we visited a church where an old friend is the pastor. The purpose of that visit was to help determine where our church would be moving. We were going to become a blended church with one of two possibilities. I brought Adam, as much to expose him to them as to expose them to him. I knew I would get a feel for how we would fit, and whether or not we would continue in this fellowship if our church and theirs became one.
Our old friend came over and said hello, and then later on, during the announcements, he came back over to greet us again. He said he didn't know if Adam would remember him and I assured him that Adam does not forget people. Adam smiled and grabbed hold of him and wouldn't let him go. He was laughing and making all kinds of excited noises, and pulled me into a three-way hug. He would not let either one of us go. Our friend was overwhelmed with this wonderful display of love and affection and couldn't believe how MUCH Adam remembered him. In a later email conversation, he wondered if Adam greets everyone like that. I told him the story of our other restored relationship and told him that Adam does NOT greet everyone like that. He loves and remembers and gets excited for those who love him and those he's missed.
What's the point of all this? Adam gets relationship. It's the thing that is most important to him in all the world. He would rather spend time hanging around people than doing anything else. He was made for love and for loving others. God says this is so. God made us for relationship with Himself. And then for relationship with others. Adam doesn't have a problem with this, even though the ones who've raised him struggle with it from time to time. He loves who he loves and doesn't care what anyone else thinks about it. And he's not afraid to show it.
God stopped by while I was on the phone this morning. He opened my eyes to see something that I've seen throughout Adam's whole life, and yet only saw this morning as I spoke with my friend. How simple it is to maintain and restore relationships. It all boils down to how much we're willing to risk in love. Jesus gave us the perfect example of the risk for love when He laid it all down and became a man and paid the terrible price for our sin. Sometimes we think we need to pay the price, as if what Jesus did wasn't enough because we're just too bad and horrible. That is not true. He paid it once, for all. Adam gets that. I get that. I get it even better now. Another wise friend tells us all the time, "It's better to love than to be right." He recently added, "Because you never know how often you may be wrong." How true that is!
The bottom line is this: Relationship=Love. Without love there really isn't much of a relationship. It's what God made us for. It's how He made us. To be unloving is to deny who we really are. Made in the image and likeness of God, Who Is Love. How's that for starters? If we can begin with and hold onto love, the rest will work itself out. When I forget that, I'll just ask Adam for a three way hug with someone. Maybe that someone will be you. Lots of love going out to all my readers today. xoxoxo    I hope you enjoy the video!