Just One of Those Days......

I've been posting pictures on my Facebook page. One of them in particular reminded me of having one of those days. You know, when reality slides in and bites you. Most of the time, I refuse to visit that place, because it drags me backward and causes me to sink into a place of deep sadness. Ever have times like that?
 Adam uses his wheelchair whenever he doesn't have his orthotics(leg braces) on. He really can't walk without them. This day, we were outside and he needed his chair. The kids had been playing for a while, and Adam got tired and pulled over to a shady spot under a maple tree, near the end of the driveway. He sat there for a few minutes, watching the cars go by. I sat watching him, and thinking over the years of his life, and the milestones he had made. And the milestones he never made. That's where the sadness struck. He'll never skateboard down the block with friends. He'll never walk to the McDonald's around the corner. He will never drive a car. Friends don't call to ask him if he wants to hang out.
It's hard watching kids who are the same age as him; they're going to college and graduating. They're dating and getting engaged. They're driving and talking excitedly about the next car they're going to buy. And lots of other things that he will never do. I get so mad at myself whenever I let this take hold. It makes me cry and I feel awful. Paul and I can't even look at each other when we have this happen at the same time. It just hurts too much.
Well, that was depressing, wasn't it? But here's our usual reality.
Adam is one of the happiest people I know. He is also one of the most loving. In all the years of surgeries, endoscopies, and countless CT scans and medical procedures, Adam always comes up smiling when it's done. He never holds a grudge against the ones who have hurt him, or against me for subjecting him to all these many things. He is truly forgiving. I learn so much from him.
He also has a wonderful relationship with God. I think Adam knows God in ways that I can only imagine. I believe this because when he's able, he tells me what he knows and what he's seen.(Adam has expressive aphasia; which means he often cannot speak even though he knows what he wants to say.) He encourages others from time to time by praying for them or just blessing them by yelling out "JESUS,JESUS." and waving his hands towards them. How do I know it blesses someone else? Because they tell me. And the first time it happens, it blows them away. They always say something like "He really just blessed me. I mean REALLY. How does he do that?" Or, "I didn't know Adam could do that. I really felt the presence of the Lord." Amazing. God is so good. It used to be just me that got to see and understand what the Father is doing in Adam; it seems that now He is letting others in on His secret.
So, today is just one of those days too. But it's one of those days when I'm truly thankful for all that I have. Family, home, health, and Adam.  There were times when we weren't so sure that he would still be here with us. I'm so glad that he is.

Father,please bless my readers today. Meet their needs according to your glorious riches in Christ Jesus. Comfort those who mourn, encourage those who are disheartened, laugh with those who are rejoicing, and dance with the dancers! Thank you. I ask all this in Jesus' strong name.

You probably can't see this but the bag hanging on the back of the chair says "Life is Good". It truly is.
 

SIXTY. REALLY?

8-20-1952. The day I was born. Younger readers will think that's the dark ages, and in some ways, they'd be right. It was actually dark at night on Long Island. You couldn't see your hand in front of your face if the moon was new and you were out in the woods or at Gram's farm and out back in the orchard. There were still lots of places that didn't have streetlights. When you were lucky enough to be out at night, it was fun and mysterious. I remember driving to my grandmother's house in the dark, and how the trees overhanging the roads were like a tunnel that was lit only by the headlights of the family car. Mysterious, I tell ya! I loved it. Every once in a while I'll be driving somewhere and notice that effect; andit's like going into a time warp. I feel young and adventurous. The funny thing is, I really do still feel young. I remember my grandmother telling me that even though she was getting older on the outside (she was sixty-nine at the time), on the inside she still felt like she did when she was eighteen. I decided then that she had some particular wisdom about the situation, and that I would do the same. She lived to be ninety-two. I think she really had something there.
But sixty! How the heck did I get here? Wasn't I just thirty a few years ago? I guess not, because my eldest daughter turned forty this year. That was one of the few birthdays that made me realize that I really am old enough to be hearing from AARP, and that I can eat the senior citizen meals in the restaurants.(I don't). Did you know that many supermarkets give discounts to seniors on certain days of the week? I didn't either. I just found out a few weeks ago. I refuse to identify myself for the five percent I'll save. If I begin to think of myself as a senior, I may defeat my grandmother's inheritance of a youthful interior. That's way more valuable than two bucks at the checkout counter. 
 So....HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! I received lots of beautiful cards, and lots of greetings and blessings on Facebook. No one mentioned my age but me. Wasn't everybody nice?
I have heard it said that for the younger generation, our ceiling is their floor. I have even had that said to me by one or two who thought they were giving me a compliment. Actually, they were. But my response was and will continue to be, "Well then, you better get your climbing boots on, 'cause I'M NOT DONE YET!"
Thanks for checking back every now and then friends. I hope you enjoy the variety. And all you seniors out there....you ain't done yet either.

Welcome, Baby Owen

Baby Owen. His name means "young warrior", If his birth is any indicator, he certainly will be. My daughter gave birth after nearly thirty hours of labor. She gets the gold medal for her endurance. Front and back contractions, back to back, for hour after hour. She used "The Alexander Technique", which teaches you to focus on what's happening to your body and to stay in control, rather than to focus away from your labor onto something else to gain control, as Lamaze teaches. Rather than many breathing techniques, she used low sounds and groans as she rode wave after wave of pain. After about twenty five hours, the midwife decided it would be best to break her water and hopefully bring a quicker delivery of this little one who had stalled. Meconium in the fluid indicated distress in the baby, and Jessie was moved from the birthing suite to the labor and delivery rooms, where there would be faster access to doctors and any emergency measures that might need to be taken.  A quick consult between midwife and daughter, and the decision was made to have an epidural, so that Jessie could rest for about an hour and then begin pushing and deliver her baby. A wise decision, as she immediately went to ten centimeters dilation. After pushing for about twenty minutes, and a baby who wouldn't stay where he was sent, the obstetricians were consulted and then stayed and took over. The cord was around his neck and kept pulling Owen back in after each contraction ceased. A vacuum was neccesary to hold him in place so that he could be born with the least medical intervention possible. Three pushes more and Owen entered into the world! I have spared you some of the more graphic details, but I'm sure you get the intensity of the situation if you've ever been in a delivery room. Anyway, he cried almost immediately, which is what they hoped for; no complications from the meconium. His Apgar score,(which indicates the strength and alertness of the newborn) was 9.9 of a possible 10, which, according to an obsetrician friend of the family, is unheard of in such a difficult birth.
So I now am the proud grandmother of six wonderful children; two girls and four boys. Jessie and Doug hope to have one more, and if they do, my heart will be full with seven.
It was wonderful to be there for Owen's birth. I had made arrangements for a flight to San Diego in advance, knowing I would probably have to change my plans. But booking and changing guaranteed me the ability to get on a plane at the last minute, as long as there was still a seat. I didn't get to California until about fourteen hours after I got the call that labor had started, and I prayed that she would deliver before I got there as it would take so long. I couldn't get to the airport for the earliest flight; it was rush hour, the plane would take off in an hour and a half, and the trip to JFK would probably take two hours instead of one.
I am so glad I was there. Doug was so wonderfully supportive and calm that you might have thought he did this every day! Some of Jessie's friends were there too, and they took turns massaging her back and encouraging her, and praying for her and the baby. It was really an amazing thing to take part in. I am thankful that I was asked to be there, and thankful for all those who helped my daughter through a very long and very difficult birth. The girls brought their ipods and dock and there was worship music playing the whole time while we were in the birthing center. One of the nurses commented on how beautiful the music was. There was peace and there was quiet for the longest time; the only sounds were the music, Jessie's soft sounds and breathing, and the gentle comforting words of her husband, friends and me. The midwife and the nurses were as non-intrusive as they could be, giving space to us and instuctions as we needed them.

Owen; young warrior. You fought your way into the world and avoided a cesarian section delivery. You yelled as soon as you got here and avoided the NICU. And you rested after your arduous journey into the light and this next phase of your existence. You lay in your mother's arms and listened  as she cooed and talked to you. I have a friend who says that rest is a weapon. You seem to have that in your arsenal without being taught. Welcome to the family, little fighter. We're all so happy you're here.

How God Does Surprise Me

It was hot today! Paul, Adam and I went in the pool to cool off. The guys were in for a long time before I joined them. I had some yard work I wanted to catch up on, and it's so much easier to accomplish things when Adam is occupied elsewhere. When I was finished working, I cleaned up my pruners and the weeds I had pulled, and then went over to the pool to relax.
I sat on the steps for a while before finally getting all the way into the water. Adam always wants to play the minute I'm in, and I was tired. I sat and talked with Paul and threw a ball for Adam, and we watched the butterflies on the butterfly bushes; it was such a pleasant way to spend the afternoon.. I swam for a few minutes and then Paul and I leaned on the side of the pool and just enjoyed the quiet time. I was telling him about the Io moth I had seen the night before. He said he sees them all the time at work; they come around the light on the garage door of his receiving room. Paul goes to work when it's still dark out, so he sees things that I don't. I was saying how I don't know what the Lord is telling me this time as He said, "Do you do well to be sad about the moth?" (see yesterday's post) Paul didn't know either, but
while we were talking, he pointed to the sky and said "Look! Love!"  "What?", I asked. "Look! It says love!. And no lie, it really did. There were four little clouds that spelled out the word "Love". God is so amazing.
I jumped out of the pool and ran into the house to get my camera. I should have grabbed my cell phone, because my cd-rom doesn't work and I can't download the pictures that I took. The pictures are great, but the clouds had already begun to move by the time I got back outside. The L is still pretty clear, but the rest is not. I was hoping to share the pictures with you. If I get this computer repaired, I'll download them and post them here. For now, you'll have to take my word for it. Or not. Maybe it was something just for us to see together. God wanted us to know that the moth dialog was about love. Everything He does is, you know. He created everything that is for love. His desire is that we would love the same way He does, and that we would be one. I'm trying. I don't always succeed, but I really am trying. I'm getting better all the time. God is for me, and when He's on your side, you can't fail.
Peace and love to all my readers tonight. God loves you. I do too. Sleep well and be blessed.

Targetted at Target

The air was hot and sticky when I came out of Target tonight. I took off the sweatshirt  I was wearing against the freezing air conditioning in the store. I was hurrying to get home because I had been out longer than I expected.
I pulled the shopping cart up next to the car to unload it, and I saw something fluttering on the ground. I looked more closely and discovered that it was an Io moth. Io moths are large and  brown with dark blue eyes on their wings. Their bodies are covered with a soft, lighter brown velvet and they are really quite beautiful.  I moved slowly closer to get a better look; I didn't want to startle it away before I got a chance to really see it. I was sorry I had forgotten my phone because I would have liked to take a picture of it. As I got closer, it didn't even try to move away. I touched it, I tried to pick it up. It was stuck to the asphalt. I wasn't sure if it was dead or holding on tightly to the pavement. It looked as though it was laying eggs. I tried again to move it, to get it to a better place, but I wasn't able to do so. It held on tightly or was perhaps partly crushed and stuck to the ground. "Oh, poor thing", I said aloud.
"Do you do well to be sad about the moth?" I heard the voice of the Lord immediately. Not audibly, but that still small voice that is unmistakeably Him. "Yes Lord, I do; I think I do...".
"Why?"
"Because it is rare and beautiful and you hardly ever see one.....what is it that You want me to know, to understand?"  "Is it that Your heart breaks for people, who are all rare and beautiful, each and every one?"
No answer. But I felt sadder and my eyes began to fill with tears.. "Break my heart, God, with the things that break Yours", was all I could pray. I prayed all the way home.
There are some things He has asked me to do, and I've been procrastinating. I've been talking to Him about them again, and I know I need to finish what I started. God is with me in this process, and is so very patient.
This time, instead of butterflies, He used a moth. Butterflies are out during the day, moths are out at night. Was it just because I was out and it was night time, or is the meaning deeper? I don't know. But I do know that I'm not letting go until I gain the full understanding. I think tonight at Target, I was the target.

"It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings." Proverbs 25:2.
 I'm searching still.