Tonight, I'm missing my mom. You know, as you get older, you don't need your mom in the same way that you did when you were a little kid. She wiped your nose, and washed your face and taught you how to do that for yourself. She sent you to school and listened to your stories when you came home again. She did many things for you and taught you how to do many things for yourself, and then she let go and let you do them. She was always there, but also not always there. You know what I mean? She stepped back to let you learn and discover and become an individual. One day, you realized how much your relationship had changed; you still needed her, but not in the same way.
When I was in my thirties, my mother retired from her career as a nurse. My kids were teenagers, and growing more independent, and I was looking forward to being able to spend more time with her. The mother-daughter relationship had changed so much, and I felt as though we were becoming friends as well. Unfortunately, due to the economy and the cost of living, my parents sold their home and moved to North Carolina. It was a wonderful change for them, and they were happy in their new settings. It wasn't so great for me. I missed them. It was a 12 hour trip to visit them, and we would go now and then, but after my grandson Adam was born and had so many hospitalizations and sickness, and so many complicating issues, it became very difficult to visit them. We saw them only once a year, and sometimes less than that. It was hard for us and for them, and I know they didn't completely understand why. No one can, unless they live a life similar to ours. It's too complicated to explain, but Adam cannot visit people in their homes; it makes him extremely anxious, and everyone is uncomfortable. His anxiety went undiagnosed for many years, and we couldn't explain the crying and inability to rest or sleep. So we just didn't go very often. And after Mom got sick (emphysema), it was even harder to visit. It was just too stressful for her. How unfair it seems that her life was cut short. The women in our family often live to be an advanced age; 89, 90, 92 years. Mom only lived to be 78. I always feel like she was cheated out of so much, and we were too. Dad followed her to heaven just two and a half years later.
They didn't get to meet all of their wonderful great grandchildren, and the kids didn't get to know them either. There's another one coming in February. It will make 7 grandchildren for us, and, I think, 22 great grandchildren for my parents..it's hard for me to keep track of them all.
So tonight, I'm missing Mom, and wishing she were still with us. She would be 85 now; Dad would be 88. It seems so strange to not have parents anymore, and to now be the older generation of our family. When Adam was born, there were five generations in my direct family line. Now there are only three. (My aunt, my mother's sister is still living in N.C.; there are four generations there.)
The ramblings of a late night. But I like to end with the truth that God is always present, that He's with me in all this, and that He stops by and reminds me that while I'm lonely tonight, I'm not alone. Peace and love to my readers. Thanks for stopping by.
When I was in my thirties, my mother retired from her career as a nurse. My kids were teenagers, and growing more independent, and I was looking forward to being able to spend more time with her. The mother-daughter relationship had changed so much, and I felt as though we were becoming friends as well. Unfortunately, due to the economy and the cost of living, my parents sold their home and moved to North Carolina. It was a wonderful change for them, and they were happy in their new settings. It wasn't so great for me. I missed them. It was a 12 hour trip to visit them, and we would go now and then, but after my grandson Adam was born and had so many hospitalizations and sickness, and so many complicating issues, it became very difficult to visit them. We saw them only once a year, and sometimes less than that. It was hard for us and for them, and I know they didn't completely understand why. No one can, unless they live a life similar to ours. It's too complicated to explain, but Adam cannot visit people in their homes; it makes him extremely anxious, and everyone is uncomfortable. His anxiety went undiagnosed for many years, and we couldn't explain the crying and inability to rest or sleep. So we just didn't go very often. And after Mom got sick (emphysema), it was even harder to visit. It was just too stressful for her. How unfair it seems that her life was cut short. The women in our family often live to be an advanced age; 89, 90, 92 years. Mom only lived to be 78. I always feel like she was cheated out of so much, and we were too. Dad followed her to heaven just two and a half years later.
They didn't get to meet all of their wonderful great grandchildren, and the kids didn't get to know them either. There's another one coming in February. It will make 7 grandchildren for us, and, I think, 22 great grandchildren for my parents..it's hard for me to keep track of them all.
So tonight, I'm missing Mom, and wishing she were still with us. She would be 85 now; Dad would be 88. It seems so strange to not have parents anymore, and to now be the older generation of our family. When Adam was born, there were five generations in my direct family line. Now there are only three. (My aunt, my mother's sister is still living in N.C.; there are four generations there.)
The ramblings of a late night. But I like to end with the truth that God is always present, that He's with me in all this, and that He stops by and reminds me that while I'm lonely tonight, I'm not alone. Peace and love to my readers. Thanks for stopping by.
1 comment:
Ginnie, hearing your comments about missing your Mom touches the same place in my heart. Can't believe it's almost 16 years since my Mom graduated to heaven. Your comments honor her even now. God bless you with His presence and the Comfort only He can give you. He is the God of all Comfort. <3 Donna
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