Beyond Diagnoses: A Different Way

Today Adam had a visit with his orthopedic surgeon. He's a wonderful doctor who has taken care of Adam for many years. He is kind and patient and always speaks to Adam and tries to understand him before he turns to me for help. I truly appreciate that. He respects Adam as a person.

For the last few years, three for sure and perhaps one or two more, we've had an ongoing dialog about Adam's need for spine straightening surgery. Due to Adam's neurological issues and to some shunt surgeries that he's had, he developed scoliosis and kyphosis, a curvature and twisting of the spinal column. When scoliosis occurs due to growth and bone issues, the curve stops worsening when the child stops growing. Not so for children like Adam whose underlying cause is neurological. Then the curve will continue to worsen with time, and can become so severe as to cause organ damage and death. Adam's physician has been very concerned for him as his curve began worsening more swiftly in the last year and a half, and was now at forty two degrees.

I have been refusing this surgical intervention and discussing it rationally with his doctor.In order to straighten out Adam's curve, they would have to open his entire spine, base of neck to lower back. There would be rods and screws screwed into his bones to hold everything straight. He would never be able to completely twist or turn again. The recovery time, they say, is six to eight weeks. The physical therapists say it's more like a year. I said "NO."
Adam has had a few dangerous trips to the O.R. for his last few shunt surgeries, and we nearly lost him twice. His neurosurgeon and neurologist have both agreed with me that to wait until there was no other choice would be in Adam's best interest, but when you speak with a surgeon, they come from a completely different point of view. They believe it is better to fix it before it gets too difficult and dangerous to fix. I hear that. I understand that. I just don't agree with that. Dr. Persistant has had many conversations and been very patient with me as he explained his point of view. I always came back with, "Can you promise me you won't put him in a wheelchair for the rest of his life? Can you promise me that he won't die on the table?" His answer was always, "No, I can't" My answer was always, "Then I can't either."
Today was quite a different story. Since our visit to Bethel Church in Redding, Adam has been doing so much better, as you know if you've been following my blog. (If not, please go to older posts as there is too much to repeat.) The pastoral team there has continued to pray for Adam until he would have this appointment. I have had hope, and I have seen improvement in the scar on his back where it twists so badly, but I can't say I had super faith for an improvement that would impress his doctor.
Adam had spinal x-rays, as he does every time he goes for the last several years. We went to the examination room to wait for Dr. Persistant to come and see him and his films. He came in and spoke with us for a few minutes, and then went to the computer and looked up the scans.
"The lateral (sideways) film looks great!(I thought it did too. It shows the twist.) Let's get a look at the other one." (The front view which shows the curve.) He looked at it and began the measurements that would tell him how much worse the curve had gotten or if it stayed the same. It looked pretty good to me from the last time we were in, about five and a half months ago. "It's measuring in the low thirties", and he stopped measuring. The low thirties. That means about ten degrees less than the last time we were there. I asked, "Wasn't it in the forties the last time we were here?" (Which I knew it was) He said yes. And that was all. He turned to us to talk about some other issues that needed addressing, but Adam was just getting started. "I got prayer. I got prayer!" he told Dr. Persistant. He looked at me for the interpretation. "My back is all better! No more pain!" Adam continued. He understood that. "I'm really glad, Adam", he said. Adam told him, "We flew to church." So I had to explain the flight, the trip to Bethel,and the Healing Rooms in as few minutes as I had his attention. I couldn't explain it all as he wasn't interested, but he listened a little and then got back to business.
I think it's important that I share something else. I've been hearing reports for the last year or so about people who've had metal dissolve out of their bodies after having been prayed for. This wasn't at Bethel, but it stirred me up to pray a bit differently as I prayed for Adam. Instead of just praying for healing, I began to pray something like this; "Lord, if You can dissolve metal out of people's bodies, then why would I let Adam have this terrible surgery? Why put it in if You can and do take it out? I'm holding out for the miracle before, not after." It gave me faith to hold on for more every time I heard of another one. You can go on http://www.youtube.com/ to see some reports of this if you like.
I know some who read this will think I'm crazy, but I don't care. Adam is better. It's measurable.  You can deny belief in God, but you can't deny what He's done. Or perhaps you can explain it to me. His doctor couldn't. But I'm willing to listen.
I can't answer the question of why healing doesn't always happen. I can't answer the queston of why it happened this time. I won't even try. I'll leave it up to the mysteries of God stopping by and doing what He does best. Loving His children. Thanks for reading my post today. I pray God blesses you and touches your heart as you read. And that He stops by your house today. Love, Ginnie

Here is some testimony from Bethel Church!

Curtains and Colored Pencils

My daughter Jennifer stopped by today to pick up some curtains that I keep forgetting to give to her. We were looking though my fabric stash and talking about projects and colors and our conversation migrated to things that are happening in our church and things we want to be doing. She and I both have a strong feeling about doing art during the service. I've been encouraging her for a number of years to start drawing and painting again, and she has been holding back. I want to learn how to draw, and have made some sketches, but I don't know what I'm doing and well...

For Christmas this year, Jen gave me two art kits to get me going. One is watercolors and the other is a drawing set. They both have instruction books with them. They are still unused. But I will get around to using them. We were talking about how we want to see more of a release of the arts in our community,and both of us have the desire to get things going. I was encouraging her about doing prophetic portraits.  It's a way to speak encouragement to someone else, by asking the Lord to give you a picture for them, and then drawing that picture and telling them what it means. She didn't quite understand, so as I was about to give her a picture of what you might see and then draw, the Lord gave me something else entirely. As I shared it with her, I realized it was for her. I decided to give it a try myself and as I talked with her I drew what I was seeing. It was a cut watermelon, red ripe and juicy, and the juice and seeds were spilling out onto the table it was sitting on. As I spoke, I got more understanding. I wrote the interpretation on the drawing and gave it to her. As I try to share what it means, I can't remember it precisly, but it was overall about the sweetness that pours out of her, and the seeds spilling out are what she sows into the kingdom. If you want to know the rest, you'll have to ask her. I think it's for Jen to share or ponder to herself. We decided that we'll bring sketch paper,and charcoal and colored pencils to church with us tomorrow and see what happens.

When she went home, she called me right away. For the first time in all the years she's lived in her home, she saw the woodpecker she hears every year. It was a little red-headed one. It was happily pecking away, lookin for bugs in the little pile of wooden stakes that she has for her garden. When she went inside, her son saw my picture of the watermelon, and said "Oooo watermelon! I'm hungry" She wanted to encourage me that someone else knew what my sketch was without being told, and to tell me about the Lord's surprise for her.
How God does stop by when we least expect Him! John Paul Jackson often refers to Him as "Jehovah Sneaky". I think he's right on the money with that.
I'll let you know what happens tomorrow. We're excited and can't wait! For me, it seems that my Great Adventure with the Lord is gaining momentum. What a ride!

A Better Way

I'm finding such a change in our household since our Bethel trip. Adam has always loved worship, but now I can see day to day how much it affects him. Most mornings since our return , we've been watching worship videos to begin our day. When we do, the day goes so much better. Adam is more focused and cooperative, and less moody. When we don't, I see old behavior patterns return, which I don't like. He becomes disagreeable and refuses to cooperate, yells and speaks at a volume that is unbearable to most of our family, and will not settle down at all. The stress level in our home threatens to return to pre-Redding conditions.
Regular t.v. often seems to un-bless him. And his taste in programs has changed. For the better, but it's hard sometimes to find something that he can watch, so we've been watching more worship and movies that we have on dvd. What a change for us! Things are so much better. Now I need to purchase more music videos for him. There is a Christian music channel on cable, but while it's great listening, it's boring to watch; no videos. This is the kind of problem that I like; needing to find more things out there to bless him. It's really about what's most important in our lives, and putting that (Jesus)first.

California was an expensive trip, but the cost was so worth every penny spent. We will go again, I'm sure. Adam often wants to know when we will be flying to church.I tell him, "One day. but I'm not sure when." I'm hoping for a big change in atmosphere here in our own corner of the world. God can do it, we just need to cooperate and see what He's about. Love, putting God first and honoring others will bring about this change. Our church is going for this in every way we can. I am too. I hope everyone will join us in this expedition to  a greater Love. We CAN change the world. We're just working on our island first.

Bethel Follow Up

When Adam and I were at Bethel on Sunday morning, I filled out a prayer request form. I heard from them today! They were following up to let me know there is a team interceeding for him and to ask how he's doing. I had a lengthy conversation with Vince, the young man who called, and discovered that he's from Holbrook! For those who don't know, that's about a 10 minute ride from where I live. He knows Jason, our friend who's attending the ministry school at Bethel, and is in a fellowship group with him. He asked me so many questions and was so interested in all that's happened and is ongoing with Adam. I told him that anyone who meets Adam never forgets him, and he laughed and said that was true, people there know who he is when they're praying for the requests for him.
Something wonderful happened as we were speaking; I told him about the young woman with Down Syndrome who prayed for Adam on Sunday morning. I told him that I found it very interesting that it was after she prayed for him that Adam began to declare "I got healed today! I got healed today!" He got very excited as I was telling him the story. There was a prophecy given at Bethel by a man named Paul(I can't remember his last name). He said that they would begin to see people with intellectual disabilities pray for each other, and they would be healed!!!!I almost jumped out of my skin with joy. If you haven't read my previous post about Sunday morning, please do. The Lord is confirming over and over to me about His desire for His special ones to move in their giftings. This one conversation has stirred me up again and I can't wait to get moving on the how to accomplish this for Him. And them. I got goosebumps all over when Vince told me about the prophetic word...I am ecstatic over the confirmation of this call on my life and Adam's as well. God stopped by in such a powerful way this afternoon.I hope He does the same for you when you read this. Love to my readers and joy overwhelming.
p.s. I should also add that Adam has had about a 90% reduction in the pain in his back since Sunday morning.......an increase in his speech abilities, and a lessening of his anxiety.

Your Countenance Has Changed

Your countenance has changed. I heard that today for the second time in my life. The bells and sirens went off inside me immediately, before anything else was said. The first time I heard it was in a very difficult time, when I was totally isolated from most friends and family. It was following a season of many surgeries for Adam, and I hadn't slept through the night in months.On a good night he would wake up three times, on a bad night he was up every half hour. There had been a time of tremendous oppression in our household as I was contending for Adam's life. He was still very ill and using a wheelchair for the first time. He couldn't walk, couldn't lift himself to transfer from one place to another, and we all had to learn so many new things .He couldn't go to school and we had teachers and therapists coming in to help him. His physical therepist kept telling me he would never walk again. Our lives had totally changed and I was tired and weak and afraid. And isolated. I rarely went out. Six months later, I heard for the first time, "You know, your countenance has changed."
To say that I became angry is an understatement. I was furiously angry. And I let that person have it with both barrels. I let out all the anger, pain, disapointment and rejection I was feeling, and received a sincere apology. I forgave, but it took a long time to feel it.
Your countenance has changed. Isn't that an unusual way of speaking? I heard it for the second time at church today. This time, it came with a loving hug and a question.."Has something changed? Are you doing better? You look so different." And the wall came down. The bells and sirens were silenced. It wasn't a judgment or criticism, it was an expression of love and acceptance. I don't think my answer mattered as much as the way I felt and was able to receive what was said. The truth is, my countenance has changed. I received some priceless prayer while I was at Bethel Church, and I felt so validated by Father God through the words that were spoken by a young woman named Kate. She spoke prophetically about what she saw, and I could see in my spirit what she was saying. She saw jars that the Lord has for me, each one holding something different. They look a lot like a jar that a friend, Olivia, made for me last year. The content is between me and Him, but the things she told me brought such healing and just washed me clean from years of rejection and old wounds. She loved like Jesus loves and spent time to be sure I received it. Thank you Kate. I was blessed beyond all expectation.
The words I heard today brought blessing and healing. I do feel differently than I did before I went to Bethel. I'm settling in to the new church. Good things are happening and I feel freer than I have in a long time. That freedom has been three years in the making. Thank you Tom, for ringing the bell of love and liberty.  Thank you Phill, for speaking words that washed over me and brought healing. This restoration that's happening is good for us all. I hope many more are blessed by it. I am so thankful.

This and That: Bethel Scenes

We came home early Monday morning after our adventure to Bethel Church in Redding, California. It's a wonderful place where people learn to love like Jesus loves and to honor each other and anyone else the Lord puts in their path. What an amazing difference that makes in the atmosphere and how a visitor feels. It is rare that Adam and I have felt so loved and welcomed outside of our own little corner of the planet. I was not worried about his behavior disturbing anyone else, and I wasn't worried about needing to take him out of the sanctuary if he was noisy. I didn't feel the judgment or the irritation that we have sometimes experienced when we visit someplace new. It was so refreshing to be able to just deal with Adam and his needs and not worry that he was too noisy every time he squeaked or got excited. He was accepted and loved for who he is. Bill Johnson and his staff have learned, and have taught their church so well, to honor every person.

We attended the Friday night service, the Saturday morning Healing Rooms, and Sunday service. Adam may have had more prayer for healing in the three visits to Bethel than he's had in his entire life. That's because they not only take every opportunity to pray, but they also stayed with him for a long time to soak him in the Lord's presence and to keep listening to the Father for His direction and desire. And so many people wanted to pray for him! I had to fend them off sometimes because he was so tired. I never experienced that before. (People often avoid praying for him , I think because they're afraid of failure. I understand that.)Adam continues to be extremely boistrous and excited when he's getting a lot of attention. And it's hard for someone who doesn't know him to understand how this affects him. I have to say that I was also very tired after the meetings. We had intended to go to a concert/fundraiser for the school that's part of this ministry, but after the time spent in the Healing Rooms on Saturday we had lunch and went back to the hotel and slept. When evening came we were still too tired to do anything but get some food and bring it in for dinner. Adam didn't think we needed to stay in, but I was tired. We rested and spent time with friends who traveled to Bethel to be with us and pray for Adam.

Jessica, my youngest daughter, and her friends, Natalie, and Ella and Caylao, Ella's baby daughter, flew up from San Diego to Sacramento and met us at the airport. We rented a car together and drove up to Redding. You can get a connecting flight, but it would have cost too much. It was nicer anyway to drive together and spend time talking. I rarely get to see them. All of them work and took time out of their busy schedules to be with us. Jessica is an audiologist, Ella is a college professor, and Natalie is a doctor. Not so easy to get all of our scedules to jive, but from the time they heard I was thinking of bringing Adam to Bethel, they were praying about going and for the break in their routine to be able to come. God is so good!
It was terrific to have these women who love Jesus as our companions in this part of Adam's journey to wholeness. They are seasoned intercessors and kept us in prayer before, during and after our time there. You can't ask for better than that. It was fun having meals together and getting to know each other a little more. Caylao is so cute and sweet and she was so good! It's not easy being eight months old and doing all that travelling and being away from everything familiar. She smiled all the time and rarely cried.
Our friend's son, Jason, is a student at the School of Ministry at Bethel. He did everything he could to help us while we were in town. He gave us the service times and advice on how early we needed to arrive to get good seats. He spent time with us and listened to Adam and really gave him so much attention..I think he was probably as tired as I was some of the time. He joined us in the healing rooms and spent time talking with Adam even though he wasn't officially allowed to minister at the time. He introduced us to some of his friends who were also very good with Adam. After the Sunday service, I went into the bookstore, which is surprisingly small for such a large facility. It was really crowded. Jason and his friend Kyle were in there, and Jay offered to take Adam into the hallway for me so that I could have a few minutes to find what I wanted to buy. When I went out into the hall to find them, they were gone. I looked in the coffee shop area, outside, in the sanctuary, and then decided to text Jay. His friend Kyle came up to me and said they needed to leave and could I come and get Adam. "Sure! Where is he?" Jay had taken him for a behind the scenes tour of the sanctuary. What a great time Adam had with them! It was difficult getting him to let them leave.
We met nearly every person who walked by us, as Adam greets everyone and says "C'mere! C'mere!" And many people just do. That never ceases to amaze me. We met guys from the worship team, people from Norway, Italy, and countless other places, security guards, the electrician, custodians, and assorted others who blended together after a while. Wonderfully kind, all of them.
The first night, the worship team was practicing when we went into the sanctuary. We were the first to arrive and got to sit three rows from the front. The first two are reserved. Adam walked up and watched the band for about ten seconds and started blessing them with "Whoosh! Whoosh! Fire! Fire!" as he raised his hands over his head and then bent forward to be sure the blessing flowed. I wasn't sure what to expect, if they might be annoyed, as they were praying before practice, but they just looked at him and smiled and laughed and received what he was sending. Worship was fantastic and later, during the sermon, Adam sat quietly and absorbed all he could. The girls were amazed at his ability to stay focused for so long...an hour and a half. It really is remarkable, but he can concentrate for much longer periods of time when the Spirit of the Lord flows with power. And He was.
That's it for tonight; I just wanted to share some more of our trip with you. I hope you're enjoying the journey with us. Peace, blessings and lots of love to all my readers. xoxoxo

Sunday Morning Prayer at Bethel

 A short post about our prayer time experience on Sunday morning..it keeps coming to me so I decided to write a bit and give the Lord more praise for the way He works.
At the end of the service, Bill Johnson called the prayer ministry teams to come forward, and then invited everyone who was sick or needed prayer to come forward too. I had a hard time holding Adam back until we were called...he wanted to race up there immediately.
We made our way to the front of the sactuary as others were making their way to the back to exit. It took a minute or so and then we waited for someone to be free and to pray for him. A blond woman named Elena came and spoke with us about his particular needs. She was very friendly and kind, and began to speak with him and pray for him. Behind me and to my right was a young woman with dark hair and distinctive almond-shaped eyes. She had Down syndrome. She was waiting for prayer and was watching Adam intently. He was excited and making lots of happy noises. After a few minutes, she raised up her hands and said "I want to pray for you." She looked at me and I said "Come on over". I moved to the left to make room for her, and she laid her hands on his back and prayed. When she noticed it was her turn for prayer, she just left. Her compassion for Adam brought tears to my eyes, and it so blessed me that the Lord used her in this way. It is my strong belief that all of us are made in the image and likeness of God, and that all of us have gifts that are for others. I so desire to recognize and make place for those with disabilities to move in the giftings that God has placed in them. He confirmed the call on my life to do just that when He sent her to just the right spot at just the right time to pray for Adam. Show me Your way, Lord, and I will do what You have called me to do.
I know the many and intense and loving prayers said for and over Adam were all part of the healing taking place in his life right now, but...was she a sign and a wonder? Because she's sure a sign that makes me wonder.....

Experiencing Bethel

"Go where you're celebrated, not where you're just tolerated." Bill Johnson. Bethel church truly gets this and puts it into practice. I'm spending some time re-evaluating my life and experiences in light of this truth. Adam and I have never been so loved and accepted by strangers before our trip to Redding California last week. There is truly an atmosphere of heaven released in that place. You can go there and know you're safe. And that makes it ok to be yourself and to change and grow.

I think we often spend too much time with others who merely tolerate us, and we try to get accepted by them, and that rarely happens. In order for them to accept us, we have to become like they are, and that's not good for anyone. I need to be myself, good and bad, and still be loved. When I am, I'll be safe to learn and grow and change and become all that God wants me to be. Continual disapproval does not bring positive change and growth; on the contrary, it slows growth and will kill you as you keep trying to become other than what you were created to be. In the light of God's love comes the realization of who you are. Another person's light can overshine you, but it will never penetrate your inner being and let you arise and shine. Only God's light can do that.

I recently went to a conference, and when I had signed in I went to get on line and wait for the doors to open. I saw a woman who I have met before and have had conversations with and who I was chatting with regularly on Facebook. She was at the front of the line. I started to go over to say hello to her, and she turned away from me saying "No, no, I don't..." and whatever she mumbled as she completely rejected my presence. This person is recognized as having an intercessory prayer ministry and has over 5,000 friends on Facebook. She actually covered her face with her hands as I tried to identify myself to her. I looked at the person who was with her, and he was totally embarrassed by her behavior. I smiled, shrugged, and walked away. Her behavior surprised me, but it didn't hurt. Jesus is my shield. And I don't need her acceptance.
Most of us don't do that to others so dramatically, but I bet we do it on the inside sometimes. I know I've done it. There are some times that I just don't want to deal with another person and I hide inside myself to avoid getting stuck. I'm embarrassed to admit that, but confession is good for the soul.
I share all this because in the light of the truth I've stated at the beginning of this post, such behavior so completely dims the light of Jesus in us. In some circles, well-known people are surrounded by body guards and protected from ever connecting with the people they're preaching to and trying to reach. In a completely different circle is Bill Johnson. When we visited Bethel Church, he preached on the Sunday we were there. At the end of the service he called for the ministry teams to come forward quickly so that he could go to the back. I thought he meant leaving for the day, but after I took Adam up for prayer, there he was at the back of the church, still shaking hands and greeting people just like every other pastor at every other church on the planet. Adam and I got on line and when we got up to him, he shook hands with Adam and listened attentively to him as he excitedly proclaimed, "I got healed today! I got healed today!" Bill looked at me for clarity and I told him Adam had never said that before, he usually says something like "I got prayer today." I briefly explained that he was indicating the presence of the Lord in his back and spine. Bill looked at Adam again and told him he would be getting more healing. He told Adam how happy he was to have met him, and shook his hand for a second time. Then he hugged him and blessed him. He hugged me too. He truly practices what he preaches.
So many things happened there at Bethel, and I'll share a bit from time to time. I'm grateful to the Lord for all we experienced. I'm changed by what I experienced there. Deep wounds of rejection from things long past are healed in the Presence of the One who loves me best. I'll keep you posted regarding the progression of Adam's healing. Much love to all my readers today. May God stop by your house today with His perfect love and acceptance.

Fasting Sleep

Usually when I fast, it's intentional. I set aside a period of time and deny myself the pleasure of eating, with the intent of drawing closer to God as I depend on Him in order to keep the fast. It might be a meal, or two, or three. It might be a day or two or three. Occasionally, it's been for longer periods of time. I don't enjoy fasting. It's a spiritual discipline that I would rather live without. And most of the time. I do.  I feel a fast coming soon, and I am not looking forward to it. However, I do really like the results.
Last Saturday night, I fasted sleep. It wasn't intentional. And it wasn't pleasant. I have fasted sleep before, and usually for about three hours, but this time it wasn't my idea. I had fallen asleep reading and woke up and went to bed. And I was wide awake. I wanted to get up again and go read or watch t.v., but I knew if I did Paul would get up and check on me every hour or so, and his sleep would be ruined. That didn't seem fair, so I got my nook reader and brought it into bed so I would be able to read. It's one of those new tablets that holds a whole library of books in seven inches of space. And it's as thin as a magazine. It's lighted, so you don't disturb anyone else by having a reading lamp on when you can't sleep.
I recently downloaded two versions of the bible onto the nook, so I spent some time reading verses that have particular significance to me right now. Some of them are for my church, and I read and prayed them for a while. I also prayed for just about everyone I could think of and every situation that came to mind. I was tired and yet I still could not sleep. I prayed for the service I would be attending later that morning, and I finally began to feel drowsy.. It was about six a.m. before I drifted off.
I dragged myself out of bed at about 8:15; and I really didn't want to get up. But I really did want to go to church. Adam was up shortly thereafter and he was bright and cheery and full of energy. We managed to get to church just on time. And I remembered to get my flags out of the car. Adam had a vision the week before during worship, and told me he saw the church, the whole church; everyone was waving flags. And he waved his arms very dramatically to be sure I understood what he meant.( I'm not sure exactly what his vision meant; I wonder if it was the flags of their nations, or everyone's worship, or something else entirely). But I figured it was time to bring the flags in; I hadn't used them in the new church yet.
There weren't very many people there. It's President's week and people are away on vacation. I got Adam settled and got ready to worship. Some of my new favorite songs were played, and I felt such a rich presence of the Lord as I entered into the Spirit and His love. The music flowed and I used my flags and so did my daughter and one of our friends. I danced with my little grand daughter and I danced with the Lord. It was so good to be free. I've been waiting for that for the last several weeks.  It was wonderful. And the church was fairly full by the end of the music.
Fasting, whether food or sleep,whether I enjoy it or not, does have its own sweet fruits. It always prepares my heart for whatever the Lord wants to do. I'm glad He kept me up when He stopped by on Saturday night. I'm sure He'll do it again.

Becoming One with Mosaic Church

Today we had friend day. I find that interesting as we're just getting to be friends and yet we were asked to invite friends for a visit and lunch. Everyone brought food to share and a friend or two if they could. It made for a very crowded Sunday morning. It was fun and I think most people enjoyed themselves.
I invited my daughter to come with her children and she did. She hasn't been attending anywhere with any regularity, and her son wants to go to church. It's funny how the scripture, "a little child shall lead them" seems to hold true so often. The kids had fun and I think my daughter enjoyed connecting with people she hasn't seen in a long time. I hope they come again.
As I'm typing. I am favoring my left index finger. I cut it the other day while I was quilting for Adam. Every time I make a baby quilt, he asks me to make one for him. I finally had found enough different yellow and blue patterns that I like and put one together for him. He's quite happy with the finished product.
Anyway, as I'm typing, my finger is hurting and I'm trying to type without using it. I managed, for the first time ever, to run it under the needle on the sewing machine as I was pushing the heavy layers of quilt through the machine. The needle just caught the tip of my finger and sliced through, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. But it still gets in the way of so many things. I had to stop sewing so I wouldn't bleed on the fabric and ruin Adam's gift. I bandaged it up, which made sewing a bit more difficult. I kept it covered for showering and washing dishes. Now the cut is closed but still sensitive, and I am favoring it. And I am making lots of mistakes while I'm typing.
I'm thinking about how this is so like my recent dealings with the merge of my church with the Mosaic church. It's a good thing, but some things still hurt and I am favoring my emotions. I'm being cautious because I don't want to be hurt in this process, and yet that has happened already. People say things that are meant to make me feel welcome, but they have done the opposite. I'm being protective of my heart and trying very hard not to get defensive. So far I've been successful. I haven't returned to old habits and gotten judgmental. I've been able to just let things go and move forward. Inviting my daughter and her children to come for a visit proves to me that I'm willing to do just that and continue to hope for the best. I'm being aware of not being so protective that I don't let new people get close enough to get to know me. I've met some really nice, caring, men and women, and there are even teens who are comfortable enough with themselves to try to get to know Adam. I appreciate that so much. A few of the men have gone out of their way to spend time with him and to actually listen to my advice about how best to relate to him. That's refreshing!
All in all, most of the experiences in the new chuch have been good.  I'm hoping that soon I'll be able to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Relationship: How's That Again?

Relationship. That's a loaded word. Every person who reads it has a different reaction to it. Depending on how you were raised, how you've been treated by friends, churches, pastors, teachers, bosses; the list is endless and so are the different feelings conjured up by the thought of relationship. For some, it brings warm and wonderful feelings of being nurtured and surrounded by loving people. For others on the opposite side of the room, it brings feelings of fear, judgment and insecurity. And there are lots of feelings and positions in between these two extremes. It all depends on your point of view if relationship is worth the effort.

I was talking with a friend this morning about the many changes in our lives and how they've affected us. For me, I feel that most things in my life, including relationship changes, have gotten better over the years. I've gone from being untrusting and judgmental to more accepting and loving. I can actually believe that people love me, which is a great change for me. As I have learned not to judge, I have learned that I am not being judged so much. "What goes around comes around", people like to say. Jesus said it first..."As a man sows, so shall he also reap." I got tired of reaping a crop of nasty weeds, so I repented and decided to try and try again until I could produce a crop of beautiful grain. I'm not the greatest farmer, but I'm getting better all the time. I see some full heads of grain on some of the stalks...

Something hit me as I was talking with my friend this morning. I was talking about Adam, and how he loves people and remembers them even though he often can't remember their name. A few months ago, someone visited our church who I hadn't seen in a while. Our relationship had been broken, more than once, and it was hard getting back to where I felt loved, loving and forgiven. When we came together to greet each other, Adam smiled and grabbed hold of her and wouldn't let her go. He was laughing and making all kinds of excited noises, and pulled me into a three-way hug. He would not let either one of us go. Before too long, she was weeping and I was too. "Adam, you're wrecking me!" she cried out. He just held on for dear life and loved on us with all his might. The presence of the Lord was so strong between us all, and so much healing took place in a few short minutes. Restoration isn't really all that hard..it just takes a risk of love. Lucky for us, Adam didn't weigh the risk.
A few weeks ago, we visited a church where an old friend is the pastor. The purpose of that visit was to help determine where our church would be moving. We were going to become a blended church with one of two possibilities. I brought Adam, as much to expose him to them as to expose them to him. I knew I would get a feel for how we would fit, and whether or not we would continue in this fellowship if our church and theirs became one.
Our old friend came over and said hello, and then later on, during the announcements, he came back over to greet us again. He said he didn't know if Adam would remember him and I assured him that Adam does not forget people. Adam smiled and grabbed hold of him and wouldn't let him go. He was laughing and making all kinds of excited noises, and pulled me into a three-way hug. He would not let either one of us go. Our friend was overwhelmed with this wonderful display of love and affection and couldn't believe how MUCH Adam remembered him. In a later email conversation, he wondered if Adam greets everyone like that. I told him the story of our other restored relationship and told him that Adam does NOT greet everyone like that. He loves and remembers and gets excited for those who love him and those he's missed.
What's the point of all this? Adam gets relationship. It's the thing that is most important to him in all the world. He would rather spend time hanging around people than doing anything else. He was made for love and for loving others. God says this is so. God made us for relationship with Himself. And then for relationship with others. Adam doesn't have a problem with this, even though the ones who've raised him struggle with it from time to time. He loves who he loves and doesn't care what anyone else thinks about it. And he's not afraid to show it.
God stopped by while I was on the phone this morning. He opened my eyes to see something that I've seen throughout Adam's whole life, and yet only saw this morning as I spoke with my friend. How simple it is to maintain and restore relationships. It all boils down to how much we're willing to risk in love. Jesus gave us the perfect example of the risk for love when He laid it all down and became a man and paid the terrible price for our sin. Sometimes we think we need to pay the price, as if what Jesus did wasn't enough because we're just too bad and horrible. That is not true. He paid it once, for all. Adam gets that. I get that. I get it even better now. Another wise friend tells us all the time, "It's better to love than to be right." He recently added, "Because you never know how often you may be wrong." How true that is!
The bottom line is this: Relationship=Love. Without love there really isn't much of a relationship. It's what God made us for. It's how He made us. To be unloving is to deny who we really are. Made in the image and likeness of God, Who Is Love. How's that for starters? If we can begin with and hold onto love, the rest will work itself out. When I forget that, I'll just ask Adam for a three way hug with someone. Maybe that someone will be you. Lots of love going out to all my readers today. xoxoxo    I hope you enjoy the video!

The Parable of the Three Goldfish

Once upon a time there was a boy who loved goldfish. He asked his parents if he could have some in a tank in his room. His parents thought about it and said yes.
A few days later, they went shopping for a new tank and accessories so that the fish would have a nice home.They bought a book that told them how to care for goldfish and get their fish tank ready for them. After setting it up and getting it ready, they went to the store to buy some fish. The boy picked out three small fish that he liked, and bought them, and they brought them home.One was white and the other two were orange.
He took good care of the fish with his family's help.The little fish  were happy and healthy and very hungry. They grew bigger. They got stronger. And as they grew, they got hungrier. One of the orange fish ate so much that it grew bigger than the other fish. The boy had to feed the fish more and more food, and the fish kept growing. And they were still healthy and happy.
One day, the white fish had a wound on its side. The next day, it was a bigger wound. The next day, the wound was even bigger. The boy and his parents couldn't figure out what was wrong with the fish, but they read the goldfish book and then went to the store to buy some medicine help the fish get better. And they prayed for it.
The fish began to get better. It was swimming around quite happily. Then one day, the wound on the fish looked worse again. The boy and his parents couldn't figure out why, but they kept taking care of it, and praying for it, and watching it to see if it was getting hurt on the plants in the tank. The goldfish book said that happens sometimes. One afternoon, when it was time to feed the fish, the boy's mom decided to watch the fish and see what happened. She felt that maybe, just maybe, one fish was hurting another. So she watched for a few minutes, and, just as she suspected, one fish was being very naughty. The large orange fish was biting pieces off the poor white fish! The littler orange fish stayed close to the hurt one, but it couldn't help.
So the boy and his family prayed some more for the poor fish, and went to the store to buy another fish tank to keep the two nice fish safe. They decided that the naughty fish would have to live all by itself.
The white fish began to get better, but something else was wrong with it. Perhaps the wound went deep in side the fish where no one could see it. Whatever the cause, the poor fish could not swim straight anymore. It swam over on its side, and very slowly. It hid behind the plants most of the time. It would only come out to eat and then it would go back and hide behind the plants again. The little orange fish stayed close by it to protect it and keep it company, but it was suffering and not getting better. The boy's mom prayed some more. The goldfish book said that the swim bladder, the part that helps the fish swim and float, was sick. The book also said there was no hope or help and the fish would probably die.
The mom felt so bad...the poor fish! And her poor boy! He would be so sad if his fish died. The mom remembered that one time, at a prayer meeting, she heard God whisper in her heart. He said, "Ask me for healing because it pleases me."
So she prayed some more. And she said to God, "You told me to ask you for healing because it pleases you. So I am. And I'm asking you to heal this little fish. Thank you Father."
The next morning, the fish was a little better. She prayed every day. Each day the fish got better. Each day, she said to God, "You told me to ask you for healing because it pleases you. So I am. Thank you Father" And the fish got better. It has a heart-shaped scar where the wound used to be.
Now the fish is well and happy. The little orange fish is happy again too. They eat and sleep and swim around the tank together. They never hurt each other. The naughty fish still lives alone. He needs to be loved and cared for too, but he can't be nice so he must live by himself.
The moral of the story is, "If you hurt your friends you will end up alone. So don't hurt your friends." The other moral of the story is " Always pray and don't give up. If God will heal a little fish, how much more will He do for the ones who carry His presence and love Him."  THE END.
p.s...This is a true story. You can visit them any time you like. Just stop by and ask Adam to show you his goldfish. He'll be happy you did. And so will you.

Bridging the Bridge

In 1991, I left the chuch that had been my home for 14 years. I felt God was telling me to become part of the Vineyard church here on Long Island. I liked the change and knew I had made a good move. A new church was being planted in Suffolk County, the South Shore Vineyard, and I became part of it. Through the years, we faced a lot of changes. Our leadership decided God wanted us to become independant, so we did, and became known as The Lighthouse. Time passed and  our leadership decided that the Lord wanted us to become part of the Association of Bridge Churches, and we did that too. Our name became The Lighthouse Bridge.Those leaders left a few years later to go where they felt God was leading them. New leadership came and we love them and our name changed again to the Bridge Long Island.  We lost a large portion of our membership when the change in leadership happened, and lost some more as people felt called to go somewhere else after a year or two. Our church has decided to merge with another church and become a larger family. And our name will be changing again.

 Strange title for my blog post, but it's strange times in my world. Things change all the time, whether we're ready for it or not. I like change; I've said that before. I guess the Lord knows I mean it, because it's happening rather quickly... 

I don't know how I feel right now. I'm  not ready to be excited for what's ahead. I'm not sure how things will work out. I want to know what God thinks about it all, but He's not telling me. And I've BEEN asking. For the last few months,He's been showing me what would happen, but He didn't say it's His perfect plan for us.

I know what I want, but that's not going to happen. I know what others want, and that is happening. I don't think it's wrong, it just isn't my plan. God didn't ask me what my plan was.

The only inkling I have of His plan is that He wants me to make a decision for LOVE.

It's hard watching something die when you've spent so many years praying for it to live and become what God designed it for. Fifteen years of weekly prayer meetings, if I'm counting....and I am.

And all the words spoken over us over the many years; what happened to all of them?

Perhaps others don't feel like it's a death, but it is to me. I'm glad the Lord is metamorphosing us into something new, but I don't feel much like a butterfly.                                                                                                                                                                 

Adam's Unfiltered Status

You never know what is going to come out of the mouths of kids. Even bigger ones. I recently wrote about a friend's UFSOTD...unfiltered status if the day. It's when she writes whatever she's thinking about without filtering in case someone else may not like her subject matter.
Adam rarely, actually never, filters what he says. He can't. His speech disability doesn't allow for that kind of planning. He most often can't even say what's on his mind that's unfiltered. That's the nature of expressive aphasia; you know what you want to say, but it gets stuck somewhere between your brain and your mouth. He often speaks very fast, hoping to get it out before he loses the train of thought to the wrong station. Not so in the middle of the night between Monday and Tuesday. "I have to thowing up", he kept telling me. I got the bucket just in case and sat in his room with him. He was pacing around with his head down. "I feel like trap.."(Adam can't pronounce the hard c or k sound at the beginning of a word, so it comes out as a strange blend of  t and something I never heard anywhere else ) as he shakes his head back and forth.
To tell the truth, as bad as I felt for him being sick, it was all I could do to keep from laughing. He was so serious and dismayed, and spoke his feelings on the matter quite elegantly. And he has never said that before. It was funny and cute and sad all at once. A few minutes later, vomit he did.
The phrase of the day on Tuesday became "I feel like trap".
Ever have one of those days? You know, when "I feel like crap" expresses it better than anything else, even though it isn't the most polite way of speaking. I'm sorry for Adam that his day went that way, but I'm so happy he was able to talk about it.
 Maybe we can all learn something from Adam. When you "feel like crap", tell someone. I bet there's somebody who knows exactly how you feel and will hold the bucket for you.
Have a healthy year, everyone. xoxoxo

2012...Where Are We Going????

2012...the year begins with changes. My church is moving to a new location. Only thing is, we don't know where just yet. We are checking out the possibilities, and waiting on the Lord. We will know in two weeks where we will be located. (at least we intend to know) Hopefully it will be the last physical move. Of course, moving involves change. I think we're getting pretty good at change. We've done a great deal of shifting and adjusting in the last couple of years; but we are not yet what we will be.
Between the now and the not yet...it's a bit uncomfortable, but at the same time, I like change...it means challenges, and I think that's good for us. It's easy to go with the flow; it's not so easy to pursue a dream wherever it may take you. It can be difficult to navigate when there aren't any signposts pointing to the destination. But I know there is a bridge...
There are things I want and need in a new place. Physically, I really need it to be handicapped accessible. It doesn't matter to me if it's a store front or a cathedral; if it's not accessible, it's not going to work for Adam and me. We can't be part of  anything if we can't get into the building. It doesn't matter how great the worship is, how fantastic the preaching is, how wonderful and loving the members are and how comfortable the seats might be. It doesn't matter if the most famous and best speakers come to visit. It doesn't even matter how much we are loved by the others; if it's not accessible, it doesn't do us any good.
I wonder how many people are left out because they simply can't get in?
There are many different barriers to church attendance. I mention perhaps the most obvious, but there are so many others.
Being different. Looking different . Too young. Too old. Wrong clothes. Too poor. Too rich. Too crazy. Not crazy enough. Too cool. Not cool enough. Tattoos? Piercings? Purple hair? Mullet? Blue jeans? Three piece suits?
Not acceptable.
What keeps you out? Who would you keep out? What gets you in? Who would you bring in?
I say ...fling open the doors and let everybody in! I hate being left out.....I bet lots of you do too. I hope to see every expression of the love of God wherever we end up. The doors have been closed too long and the staircases have been too high. I hope we are accessible to every disabling condition. After all, wasn't Jesus?

The Tower of Babel and Ephesians 3:20-21

One of my favorite scriptures is Ephesians 3:20 and following. It encourages me that God has plans that I can't even imagine or comprehend. Way above what I could ever think or dream up. A several years ago He showed me a link between these verses and the story of the Tower of Babel in the book of Genesis. I was reminded of it today, so I thought I would share it here.
In Genesis 11:1-9...the people are building a tower, wanting it to be the tallest ever built.They said "let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves..." The Lord decides that they have gone too far and scatters them over the face of the earth, changing their languages so that they cannot speak to each other. God says this about them..."If as one people speaking the same language they have begun to do this, then nothing will be impossible for them. Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not be able to understand each other."
Maybe you think that God is acting badly, that He is jealous of their abilities, or that He's afraid they won't need Him anymore. I don't think so. I think He's watching over them and knowing they will decide to live without Him and just how disastrous that will be. Human beings, when left to their own imaginings and designs, can come up with some very bad ideas. Just take a look at some of our history. (And yes, I know all about the Crusades, but that was also man's design, without the truth of who God is and how He loves His creation. That's the point, isn't it?)
In the letter to the Ephesians., Paul writes "Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we can ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen!" (italics mine)
Can you imagine how different the world would be if we actually believed that? I believe this was God's plan from the beginning. I think mankind strayed away from God and devised their own way to heaven and power. And I think that God seperated us so that we would depend on Him and ask Him about His plans for our lives and this earth and then go and do those very things "according to His power that is at work within us"...and I can't imagine what that would be like! Far better than what we have accomplished over the millenia since the tower erecting was abandoned.(or has it been?) Just my thoughts in the beginning of a new year...maybe my resolution. Thanks for stopping by, friends.

2011 Is AlMosT oVeR!

2011 has held true to form for Christmas. The year seems determined to go out with CHAOS. My son-in law had surgery to repair his knee, after waiting for a very long time for workman's comp and the doctors to figure out what to do with it. That was Monday. Last night my daughter called and asked me to come over and take a look at him. His leg was swollen, the calf muscle was extemely painful and he felt like he had a never-ending cramp in it. It was very warm to the touch and he had a low grade fever. Instinct and years of dealing with medical emergencies told me that he had a blood clot or an infection. After a trip to the E.R. and then being admitted overnight, and after repeat Doppler studies and many other tests, it was determined to be a blood clot. No easy diagnosis; it seems almost to have been hiding, but four doctors were sure that was the problem, they just couldn't see it until the final Doppler study. Thank the Lord for their determination and trusting their instincts. He will be in the hospital for three to four days, hopefully not more, but spending Christmas there is hard on him and my daughter and their children. But we thank God for all the pray-ers and the prayers and that He is always with us.

My sister and her husband had a fire in their garage the other day. It spread to the cottage where our brother lives. The garage is mostly lost, along with two classic cars. The cottage had no smoke or water damage, but smells really bad and has a hole in the roof. No one was hurt, including my brother's cat. We thank God once again for the prayers and the pray-ers and His intervention. It could have been much worse.

 My dear friend in Cape Coral is back in the hospital. She has had two more emergencies since her heart issues last month. But in spite of all that she's facing, she is at peace with the Lord and resting in Him. We spoke on the phone last night while I was out trying to finish my shopping, which I still didn't accomplish but I am happy with what I managed to do. We spoke for about forty-five minutes. It was so good to sit in my car in the parking lot and share some love and conversation with an old and cherished friend. Other things can wait. And they will wait.
I spent most of the last two weeks caring for my littler grandchildren while their mom and dad work in the retail chaos of the Christmas shopping season.
I always say I am going to start shopping in October and I actually did this year and thought I had plenty of time to finish. Next year I'm going to do most of my shopping by catalog. Much less chaotic and no rush!

The cable t.v. isn't working right, I didn't iron the tablecloths and napkins, and I didn't get all the treat foods that we usually enjoy. There are still packages to be wrapped and stockings to be filled. I can't find the star for the top of the Christmas tree. But I am reminded of the wonderful Dr. Seuss story, "How The Grinch Stole Christmas". The Grinch didn't manage to ruin Christmas for the little town of Whoville, and Chaos hasn't managed to ruin our Christmas either.
Jesus came, He lives, and He is around every corner, if we just take the time to look. The lights everywhere remind me of His birth, when the Light of God came into the world. We always leave our Christmas lights on overnight on Christmas Eve, just as a reminder.
I greet everyone in the stores with "Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or whatever holiday you celebrate". Every person I greet this way looks at me directly, and smiles, and says "Merry Christmas".  And if they happen to also celebrate Christmas, almost every one identified themself by saying "I'm Christmas". Isn't that interesting? I see God in that. That's an unusual pairing of words. Not "I celebrate Christmas", but "I'm Christmas". I love that! He is speaking to me in this. So I think God wants me to be Christmas wherever I go. It isn't about the date, the season, whether it's cold and snowy or hot and humid. It's not about the food or the table settings or the gifts; it's all about Jesus. It's a day we chose to celebrate His birth.
So to all my readers, I wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, or whatever holiday you celebrate. But just so you know, "I'm Christmas". Peace to all and to all a good night. xoxoxo

Drip,Drip,Drip.

This morning after bathroom routines were finished, I went back in to clean up the damage. I found more than I expected. There was a puddle on the floor. I was about to yell at Adam for messing around in the water; my cleaning gloves were also inside out in the middle of the floor. As I bent over to pick them up, I noticed a steady dripping from the shut-off valve on the cold water pipe. I don't know what caused it to leak, but there it was and Adam was off the hook and out of trouble. I tightened it up a bit and it stopped leaking. I made a mental note to get a screwdriver and tighten the screw and also to tell Paul when he gets home so he can check and see if it needs more attention. Then I knelt down and mopped up the puddle.
It occurs to me that sometimes life is like that little leak. If I don't pay attention to the details, things can and will go wrong. If I hadn't gone back right away to straighten up the bathroom, there would have been some major damage to clean up. The steady dripping would have created a flood right into the living room and down into the basement as well. A small, unattended drip can become major damage with in a short period of time.
 So I think that when I hurt someone else, or even just speak when I should have remained silent, I need to go and check quickly and clean up the mess I may have made. It might take a little bit of work and some checking back in once or twice, and I might have to get on my knees like I did this morning when I cleaned up the water, but if I have saved a relationship or repaired one, it is so worth it. And if I don't let it go too long, hopefully I will have avoided a major cleanup and repair, which can be so costly and sometimes unrepairable despite my best efforts. And unfortunately, starting over isn't always possible.
So I am checking back today....have I hurt or offended anyone? Have I hurt my relationship with the One who knows me best? And if I have I will do the best I can to repair the damage. Some time on my knees wouldn't be a bad thing either. :0}

What's On Your Mind?

What's on your mind? Facebook is faithful to ask me this every day when I go to my profile page. I don't think they really care, do you? It's just one of the gadgets that get you thinking and wasting time there.
What if we asked each other that question every time we meet? And what if we really wanted to know? Would we really want to tell each other?
I have a friend who has come up with something new. She calls it the UFSOTD...unfiltered status of the day. She posts things that she is really thinking about without filtering them first. Some are really interesting, some are just really random, some are thought provoking. I admire her for being real with her world. That can be hard. You never know what will come back at you when you're real, and I think most of the time most of us filter most of what we say. We've been trained to do this, by our parents, by our friends and by our enemies. It might not be intentional, but we do it to each other. Why? Because we want to be accepted and acceptable. We want our kids to be accepted and acceptable. Isn't it sad that we can't be accepted and acceptable just the way we are? But we're afraid of being judged. So we filter our status in order to be accepted. In order to not be judged. In order to be loved.
There is One who will always ask for our unfiltered status. He will always want to know how we're  really feeling, what we're really thinking, what we really need. And He already knows, but He loves us and He wants us to trust Him so much that we'll tell Him the truth and not hide our real status. God stops by every day to check in with us. Actually, He never leaves. He loves it when we stop by to check in with Him. Go ahead; don't take my word for it; ask Him what's on His mind. He's waiting for you. You'll be glad you did.

Heidi and me

Once or twice a year, I volunteer to serve at a local conference venue, sponsored by Matt Sorger Ministries. I usually serve in the "green room", where the worship band and volunteers spend down time to relax and eat. I have a "mother anointing" so this suits me well. I meet lots of people and get to help them in small ways while we have meals together.
At one of the conferences a few years ago, I was getting back from cleaning up after dinner. It had taken me a bit longer than I expected, and I was hurrying to get in and find my seat. As I was sneaking in the side door of the conference room, I saw Heidi Baker and her assisstant. She had arrived a little bit late from the airport and needed to get to her seat in the front of the room.They were looking for the way in and didn't want to go in through the back doors.  (That is the long way in, and she would be swamped by all the people who love her.And she would stop and try to acknowledge every one.)As I was about to enter I called her over and showed her the side front doors...she was so thankful and gracious and wanted to know if she was very late. I assured her that she was not and that worship had only started a few minutes prior to her arrival and escorted her and her friend to their seats. I felt so blessed to have been able to help her.
That was also the first time I heard AND saw her speak. She is sweet and humble and loves the Lord so much. And that was the first time I heard her pray this prayer..."I'm just a little woman Lord, but if you can use me for anything, I will do it." I loved that prayer and I prayed it too.
In 2010, I had the opportunity to see her again at one of the MSM conferences. She is the reason I went to that one. And she prayed that prayer again. It's the one she prayed before she became the woman who changed the nation of Mozambique. And I prayed it with her once again. Something changed in me that day. I have been changing ever since.
About a month later, I heard the word from the Lord that inspired me and brought more change in me. My thinking has changed, my understanding has changed, and there is now a book in me about the prodigal son, his elder brother and their Father. It is amazing to me that such a small prayer could change me so much, but it has. I feel like I have finally stopped struggling with so many things and can rest in God. He knows who I am, what He wants to acccomplish in and through me, and He is able to do it. Thank you Heidi and thank you Father.

11/11/11+4

I have been thinking about this date, what it meant and what may have changed. 11 is the number for transition and standing in the gap/intercession. A friend who read my post the other day reminded me that chaos often precededs change. I know it can be very difficult when we are between the now and the not yet.  She mentioned that two thirds of her day were chaotic also on the 11th.  I talked with some friends today about the occurrences of the day for them, and most of them said the same thing; it was a chaotic day!
Change is happening in and around me. I have heard it said that the chaos of change can be like childbirth. Shortly before the baby is born, there is the stage of labor called transition.  This is a very intense time for the mother, baby and everyone involved with the delivery. The contractions get stronger and longer, with less time to rest in between. Everyone in the room is focused solely on the woman giving birth and the protection of the little life about to enter the world. The doctor and nurses and husband are coaching the woman in labor, encouraging her to keep pushing and to not give up too soon. She is very focused on her body, what is happening to it, and is not able to do more than ride the crest of the pain and PUSH. Her pushing will eventually bring forth something wonderful, but until she is delivered, she can only focus on the intensity of the work of childbirth.
I have realized that there are many changes going on in my life right now. It's been for a few months in particular, and I can't see the end from here. I do recognize that I have changed, that I am changing, and that I will change again. This is a good thing, even when I don't understand it all. I have decided that I am like the woman in labor, and that I am very focused on the transition I am in. I will get to the birth of the new thing, and I will rejoice over it just as I rejoiced when my daughters were born.
So 11/11/11 was a significant day after all, besides being Friday and the end of a busy week. (for which I was truly thankful.) It was a day to remind me to keep my focus, keep praying, and not give up. It just took me four days to realize God actually did stop by.

And you may want to check this out:
Transitions and Times of Refreshing: the blog of Doug Addison. He's a well known prophtic guy and comic. here's the link; you will find it interesting.   http://blog.dougaddison.com/

11/11/11

I was expecting this to be a day of unusual occurrances. I thought something profound was going to happen or be revealed to me. Well, it was. I realized that three grandchildren can take out one Grammie. They wear me out! How did I manage to rear my three girls? How did I keep up with them? The three grandchildren I had in my home today are the champions of divide and conquer. The minute I go to help one, the other two go in completely  different directions. I get one settled and the other two are discovering uncharted territory in another area of the house. Mind you, I have two bedrooms closed off to them and the bathroom door is also shut to prevent catastrophies like toys and shoes disappearing down the toilet. When Maggie can reach the doorknob I am in big trouble. The fish tank is duct taped shut so that no plastic frogs or Matchbox cars  end up in with the fish. Goldfish don't appreciate interior design. The cats are smarter than me; they disappeared for a few hours.
 I think it will be safe, so I let the kids pile every pillow they can find on the den floor. This is perfect for jumping, but jumping becomes diving head-first, and then flipping over, and then I'm running and shouting to prevent permanent damage from happening to their precious little bodies.  I am still pretty fast, but I wonder how much longer I will be able to outrun them...Gavin informed me today that he is faster than me....which he isn't but it won't be much longer before he is.
Adam wants a movie on in his room. Gavin is watching Curious George in the den..Maggie is going back and forth to see who is the most distracted and what she can take away from them. I am standing in the kitchen where I can monitor all areas of the house. I rarely sit down..I don't dare. That is when they really ARE faster than me and someone can get into trouble that I can't get them out of...I can only kiss the boo-boos and/or clean up the damage. I have to sneak off for a bathroom break or I will find Maggie in the middle of the kitchen table or on top of the counter. She can push the chairs around to climb wherever she wants to. And she never gives up trying.
 I make some tea and continue to stand guard. Maggie has some lunch and goes in for a nap. Then the boys have lunch and I do too. I have put off the craft projects until after Maggie is sleeping...I need a little peace before I tackle glitter, glue, crayons, markers and whatever other wonders are in the big blue shoe box. It is not difficult with just two, but when you add a 19 month old into the mix, it is hands on and eyes wide open the whole time she is creating. She still likes to taste everything. The good part of it is that it keeps them occupied and out of trouble for an hour or more.

Gavin was still drawing when Maggie woke up. She was ready to go and sat right in her booster chair and started making line after line and tiny little circles on her paper. She let me help her glue on some dried Play-Doh beads. Then she picked them off again, observed how they stuck to her fingers, and shoved them in her mouth. I am so thankful for non-toxic toys.
Paul came home in the midst of the mess, and the kids all ran to greet him. He loves that and looks forward to it whenever grandkids are here. He brought home a 20 piece box of chicken nuggets.The kids sat down to eat.  Jodi got here to pick up Gavin and Maggie a while later.
My great revelation for the day? THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY.

TALL TALES AND ELISHA

I watched a great movie with Adam this afternoon. We have watched it before and I felt the same way the last time as I did today. This movie has a such a wondeful message for fathers and children especially. It 's called TALL TALE  and stars Patrick Swayze and Oliver Platt. It is about the coming of the railroad to the prarie in the late 1800's.
Daniel listens to his father tell him the tall tales that the American west was known for.( Do they still teach about these in school today? I remember loving Pecos Bill, Paul Bunyan and Babe,his big blue ox, and John Henry. The point of tall tales is the the more outrageous they are, the better they are.)
Daniel seems to have little patience for the stories his father tells him. He is becoming a young man and restless for more than the farm.
The railroad is coming into their territory and buying up all the land they can, pushing farmers off their property.Daniel's father will have none of it. He stands firm and says he will not sell at any price and tells Daniel about the value of the land.
He has taught his son the Code of the West: Respect the Land. Defend the Defenseless. Don't never spit in front of women or children. As he recites The Code once again, he immediately spits and so does Daniel. The boy is a child no longer.
The story continues with a tragedy and the boy seeking to protect what belongs to his family. He meets Pecos Bill, who rescues him from many dangers, and along the way introduces him to John Henry and then Paul Bunyan and Blue.
I will spoil the end of the picture even though I hope you will watch it because there is a very powerful message hidden in a movie no one ever heard about.
The boy returns home to find the railroad pushing through his homeland, emerging through a mountain tunnel. He makes a stand and does so in the middle of the tracks, and stands his ground in spite of the enemy trying to run him over. He puts his hand against the cow catcher on the front of the train and pushes back with all his strength and stops the train from moving. He suddenly has superhuman strength. And just as suddenly, John Henry appears to help him. So do Pecos Bill and Paul Bunyan. They overcome. But the enemy makes a last attempt to defeat the boy. He tells him that he might win for now, but that he will keep coming. He will never give up. Daniel stands up to his full height and screams, "NOT THROUGH OUR LAND!!!"  And the tunnel collapses on them both.
The townspeople, who have been watching and then helping at the last minute, hold their breath as they wait to see what will happen next. Daniel emerges in a cloud of dust and dirt; the tunnel is completely sealed. The crowd goes crazy, cheering and clapping and jumping up and down.
There is such a wonderful message here about standing your ground, even when the enemy is huge and fierce. Something so powerful  about not giving up in the face of fear.
The movie ends with the three legendary heroes suddenly coming to Daniel's home to say goodbye to him, and his father sees them. When Daniel told his parents about meeting these men, they had humored him and told him he had been dreaming.
Pecos Bill is the last to leave, and the father sees him speaking with Daniel. Pecos allows the boy to take a ride on his horse, Widowmaker, who cannot be ridden by anyone but his owner. The boy can't believe that this is happening, and climbs on, taking off across the fields at a gallop. A cyclone appears, and Pecos Bill ropes the cyclone(which is his mode of transportation in many of the tales about him) and jumps aboard, leaving Widowmaker behind. Daniel calls to him  to come back, but he goes on his way spouting a stream of legendary exploits. The horse now belongs to the boy. The father is amazed at what he sees, but turns back to the house to leave Daniel in his own place of wonderment.
As I watched this movie, I saw some wonderful biblical themes.
There is the dream of the father that he desires to pass on to his son, but the son does not want the same things. He longs for the excitement of the world.
The father tries to pass on stories of the exploits of those who have gone on before, but the son is too sophisticated to value these things. He leaves and learns amazing things while he's gone, and values things his father holds dear when he returns.

The final scenes reminded me so much of Elijah and Elisha. Elisha knows that Elijah will be taken this very day, and will not leave him. Elijah tries to get Elisha to remain behind, but he refuses. Twice. Elijah asks what he can do before he leaves, and Elisha replies that he wants to inherit a double portion of Elijah's spirit.
"You have asked a difficult thing...yet if you see me when I am taken from you, it will be yours..." The story continues with Elijah being taken up to heaven in a whirlwind, and his cloak being left behind. The LORD honors Elisha's request; the story in written in 1Kings2:1ff.
In our tall tale, the boy is Elisha and the The Widowmaker is the mantle. Pecos Bill leaves in a whirlwind just like Elijah did, and leaves behind somehing of great value. We can only imagine the mighty acts of courage that follow this young man for the rest of his days.
I love this movie. I recommend it to everyone who has children or grandchildren, and everyone who is not afraid to watch kid movies when there are no kids around. It moves me when I see it, and it makes me think. Even if you don't see what I see, you will enjoy the story of victory over the oppressor.
I love that God stops by in regular old flicks and talks to me. He says in His word that He works all things for good for those who love Him. He did again today.
If you can't find the movie I will be happy to lend it to you. That is if I'm not watching it when you ask.

Sleepless in Cape Coral

So I thought I would be blogging about my last trip next time I visited here, but instead I am awake and blogging from a friend's computer as I sit up, sleepless from too much caffeine and too much going on in my life.
I am in Florida to spend time with a precious friend who has had some dangerous and unexpected surgery. She had been having palpitations, light-headedness and pressure in her chest, and her family m.d. completely missed the diagnosis. Thank God she and her husband pursued this further, or the world would have lost a very loving woman. She had a baseball sized anyeurism on her aorta that was about ready to rupture. After a trip to the E.R., several tests, and a transfer to a second hospital and more tests, she had life saving surgery. Her aortic valve was replaced, and the anyeurism was removed; she now has Dacron tubing in its place.  However, she was still not out of the woods. During the hours after the surgery and into the night, she was bleeding. She had to have another surgery to seal off an artery that had been nicked during the first procedure. She was taken back into the O.R. at 3 a.m. for the repair, given blood to replace what she had lost, and closed up again.
I find that I cannot imagine at all what she has been through, or how we humans have been able to devise such strange and wonderful ways of repairing the human body. I am in awe of medical advances once again, as I have been many times before, like the life-saving shunt that Adam and so many others have, or the reconstruction of my own body after mastectomy, or the amazing prostheses that so many of our service men and women have needed in the last 10 years.
Anyway, I felt that I really needed to get down here and spend some time with her. She is one of my dearest friends. In fact, she is the one who shared Jesus with me. I haven't written in depth about my faith before, and actually I'm not going to do that now either. But my life was changed forever when I moved next door to her in 1977 and I'm so very glad it did. Somewhere along the line of our lives touching each others', a friend dubbed us "Laverne and Shirley". She thought we were exactly like the characters on the show. ( I am Shirley)
When I arrived on Thursday evening, she was very very sleepy and not too responsive. After so much anesthesia, so many drugs and such extensive surgery, I didn't really expect that she would be awake and talking. I came into the room and called, "Hello Laverne" She did open her eyes a few times and even made an attempt to talk, but having been extubated just a short time before I arrived, it was too difficult and her throat was too sore. She was also too weak to force enough air through her vocal chords to make any sound. But she smiled. And threw me a kiss. I promised to annoy her and keep her awake. I did my best. She did her best to wake up, but mostly slept. I prayed for her and blessed her and rejoiced quietly over her. She went back to sleep.
 Today was a different story. She was awake when we got to the hospital and looked really good. The nurses had gotten her out of bed for a short time in the early morning. She was back in bed and glad to see us when we arrived. (Her husband, sister and me) She said "Hello Shirley", and smiled at me. She was able to eat, talk ,smile and almost laugh. She hangs onto her heart pillow for coughing and for comfort. She will do that for a while...
Her daughter and family have been spending so much time there, worrying and loving and watching over her. Her 15 year old grandaughter decorated the dry erase board that is hanging on the wall for the date and other info.  I particularly like what she wrote.."hearts (insert little picture instead of the word) get broken, but (insert the math symbol for pi here...y'know...3.14to infinity)  pi goes on forever. so I pi you."  Kids are great. They speak right into what is going on if we listen. I have to admit that it took me a minute to get it..
So today I learned that doctors have come a long way in fixing broken hearts.  I wonder how far the rest of us have come in fixing different kinds of broken hearts. You know, the ones that get broken when dreams are smashed, or hopes come crashing down. The ones that get broken when marriages fail, a spouse cheats, or a loved and cherished friend or family member dies. Hearts that get broken when a miscarriage happens, or we are betrayed by some one we loved, looked up to, or trusted. How long does it take for that kind of broken heart to heal? And are we willing to lay our lives and agendas down and step aside to see the one who is hurting and try to help? I know I can't fix a broken heart, but I know Someone who  can. His name is Jesus. I met Him because someone  stopped for the one, me, and told me about Him. I can't fix a broken heart, but I can listen, love and care about one at a time. And I can get better at it as I keep trying. I'm far from perfect, but I think I am closer to loving well. Ask Laverne the next time you see her. I think she will vouch for me. I will vouch for her for sure.

God is Calling

What can I say, Lord? I am still breathless after a powerful encounter filled four days at the Voice of the Apostles Conference I went to in Pennsylvania. My favorite inspirational person Heidi Baker spoke twice. She has a huge ministry to orphans in Mozambique and in the 20+ years she has been there, over 10,000 churches have been planted. She has rescued thousands from living in the dumps and on the streets. She has been shot, she has contracted terrible diseases and so has her family. She has had many death threats and attempts on her life, and she radiates the love of Jesus more than anyone I have ever met.She continually sees You provide in miraculous ways and trusts You for everything. She always reminds us to see the one. Thank You Father for bringing her to America again.

 My sister Jo and I were so blessed to have been able to go there and soak in Your Presence. She came home refreshed and rested, just exactly what she needed. I came home blown away by things You are calling me to do. I can't even imagine where to start. Exactly what I needed.

I have been feeling a call from the Lord for the lost.God has given me His heart for a very specific group of people. He has been breaking my heart for these who don't know Him and this weekend was no vacation from that. In fact, it became clearer and yet I became more sure than before that I cannot do the very thing He wants me to do. Does that make sense? The thing is, I know I have nothing within me to accomplish what He asks. But I have desire for it. I can feel it and see it and almost touch it, but I have no idea how to begin. In the meantime, I will pray. I'm asking  for the plans and the wisdom. I'll ask for everything I need and I know He will provide. I'll keep you posted as I get answers and specifics. I will invite you into this as far as you want to come. It's gonna be a Great Adventure. Thanks for reading. Please say a prayer for me as you click off the page. I sure appreciate it. xoxo
P.S. I have stories to tell from this conference, but just can't get it together right now. I'll be back.

Black and White: Of Cats and God

There seem to be lots of black and white cats in my life. I think there is a pattern developing. I have two of them living with me. They are the variety known as Tuxedo cats because their markings look like someone wearing a tuxedo. They are really beautiful too. I adopted one from the pound. The other one came from the woods out back. Someone dumped her or lost her when she was very little. It is a long story on this one, but I will sum it up by saying that although we tried to adopt her OUT she is still here. There is a stray of the same variety that visits the yard occasionally. I think he belongs to one of the neighbors who lives up the block, but I am not sure. My cats are not happy when he comes around.
A few weeks ago, there was a little black cat running around the yard. She would zip through like greased lightning and hide under one of the sheds. I thought her left front leg was badly broken as it would flop up and down when she ran. I started feeding her and after the second day, she let me near her when I brought out her food in the early evening. Afterwards she came out of hiding and was a ball of love and purrs. She had a spot of white on her chest. Her leg wasn't broken, much to my relief, but she had been born with a deformity. Although she couldn't walk or run on it because it was shorter than the other one and had no elbow joint, she did use it for balance and the paw worked fine. I really wanted to keep her, but my husband would not hear of it. Since you don't break up a 41 year marriage for even the most affectionate and adorable cat, I let go. I have promised Paul that we would not have 3 cats at one time again, and he held me to my word. I also had heard from the Lord regarding this; in a post from a ministry I follow, there was encouragement to let go of things that seem important to you because God has something better.  I was really sad about it, but I found a rescue who provided vet care and she is now in a cage-free shelter awaiting adoption. I have no doubt that she will not be there for long. Everyone who meets her loves her.
The following week there was a demonstration in front of the U.N., supporting Israel and against a Palestinian state being allowed to form without conforming to the U.N. requirements. You probably never heard anything about it as the media does not cover such things, but it was estimated that there were more than 3,000 Christian, Jews, Muslims and Hindus in attendance. I know because I was there. It was important to me, and more important than the cat. My husband was happy to let me go, by myself, on trains and subways into Manhattan. That was the hand of God, I can tell you for sure. It was one of those times when you know for sure that you are in the right place, in God's timing, and something changes in you; you feel a shift has happened.
Tonight there was another black and white cat. This was a tiny kitten on the side of the Sunrise Highway service road; a very dangerous and busy stretch of roadway. In spite of the traffic coming up to the light, I stopped my car and put my hazard lights on. I got out hoping to pick it up and take it home. I tried to catch the poor thing, but it would not come near me.  Cars began to swerve around me to get to the intersection. I kept calling to the kitten and trying to catch it, waiting for the horns to start blaring, but it would not come. It finally squeezed back through the cyclone fence, and was safe for the time being. I collected the food dishes that someone had left for it and put them on the inside of the fence where it would be safer. I hoped whoever had been feeding it would do the same. I felt terrible. As I turned around, expecting to see angry faces, the woman in the car that was now at an angle in front of me asked "Did you catch it?" I replied "No, it wouldn't come to me." She asked if it had gone through the fence, and I replied that it had. She waved. I turned again to get into my car and there was a man in a big SUV. I again expected frowns and grumbles, but he also asked if I was able to catch it. I replied again that I hadn't and he just said "Oh, too bad." I got back in my car and I have to admit I was really surprised. It was rush hour traffic and the light we were at takes forever to get past. People are always in such a hurry and impatient as they just want to get home. I turned at the corner to continue on my way to my destination and I got more and more upset. By the time I got to the next traffic light, tears were forming...and I was fighting to control them.
You can't blame everything on menopause, and I was asking the Lord what was going on. I heard Him ask me, very clearly, "Do you do well to be sad about the kitten?" And I said, "Yes Lord, I think I do. But I don't know why, except that I am afraid it will get hit by a car and killed." Silence. Now I was crying and feeling awful. The poor little thing. Who would just dump a baby like that? Or was it born wild and the mother was dead? What ever the truth is, I will never know. I was waiting on the Lord to speak as I continued driving. I was listening to some really great worship music and trying to get my head together as I was going to an outreach at a local cafe. I wouldn't be much good if I was still upset when I got there.
It was about 15 minutes before I heard from Him again. It went something like this. I can't quote because it was more of a knowing deep inside than spoken words.
The way that I was feeling about the kitten is the way that the Lord feels about those who are lost. There are those that He calls to, but they just will not come. They are too afraid. He tries and tries to catch them with His love, but they will not come. He still loves them; His heart is broken over them. They choose what seems like freedom instead of the Savior. Just as I couldn't save the kitten, no matter how hard I tried, He can't save the ones who run from Him. But still He tries. And loves.
I spoke with a friend about it, and my feeling of frustration...what do I do with all this? He simply asked what I thought...and I said "Pray." He reminded me of a prophetic word I received a few years ago and had shared with him. "You will accomplish more by your prayers than by your involvement.." True. Sigh. So hard for me as I am so much more of a Martha (worker) than a Mary (one who sits at the feet of Jesus).
As I have been writing this, the thing that ties it all together are the cats and the Lord. There are 5 cats. Five is the number of grace. Although the cats are all black and white, things with God are not always so. There are absolute truths to who He is and the most important one is that God is Love. He loves me and He gives me grace to pray when it isn't easy, if I will listen to His call. The grace is there, but I need to respond to it. The love is there, but I need to respond to it. God stopped by in my car this evening, and taught me more about His love than I have learned in a long time. Head knowledge became heart knowledge. Knowing He loves the lost and feeling His love for the lost are quite different from each other. I'm glad I asked.